


Brisé

by oppaodiga



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Baby kaisoo, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, just a little
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7558189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oppaodiga/pseuds/oppaodiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>with every twist and every turn, Jongin has always needed a little push, and with every jump and every pose, Kyungsoo has been there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> slightly based on the movie Billy Elliot - this was posted on LJ but I like ao3s format better, so I'm reposting here. 
> 
> thank you to my friend melisa aka jiminie-kun on tumblr, because she was kind enough to be my beta reader and she helped me throughout the end of this.

Shouts. He’s accustomed to them, since his early years of childhood, since he learned how to difference his father’s voice from any other sound in the world, since he could smell the wet dirt scent coming from the back yard as rain starts every May of every year. A feminine voice screeches through the walls of his room, he hears his father’s voice hoarse and dominant, getting closer with every millisecond that goes by. Loud and hard steps coming from the stairs and he waits, stares at the door, one, two, three, one, two, three. Two more and the door flies open.  
  
“Your sister’s almost ready with dinner. Go to the store and get some tuna. We ran out of it”   
  
_Hi to you too, dad._ The door slams shut again and it's as normal as the shouting. He’s accustomed to it as well.   
  
He lets out a sigh and changes his pants. The sky is grey, maybe because of the rainy season, maybe because is getting close to 7:00 pm, but the clouds seem to move faster than usual. He’s too lazy to get an umbrella so he goes out the door empty handed, two single bills of cash in his front pocket. One, two, three, one, two, three. Six more and he’s drying his feet in the little mat before the door of the convenience store. Bubbly pop music comes from the speakers high on the walls, and he bops his head with every beat of the song towards the fourth aisle. He’s back at the cashier half a song later.   
  
Quickly, his steps take him home again. His sister is serving rice and a stew, too greasy but nobody tells her so – her temper is a little explosive. He drops the bag in the counter and quickly serves three glasses of water; the woman there just steals a glance and continues working on the plates. _Hi, sis._  
  
His father chews the fastest of the three; the boy is fixated on his food, not really hungry to eat quickly, not really hungry to eat at all, but he does anyways.   
  
“How’s school for you two?” – His father’s voice is thick like sand paper.  
  
“Good, you know I have this project soon, which reminds me I’ll stay at Yura’s from Tuesday to Friday, I’ll surely be back at Saturday...” – his sister words are rushed, she munches on tuna pieces – “Jonginie, you’ll have to help with dinner all these days” – she gives a smug smile and covers it quickly with her glass.   
  
Jongin glares and his father looks at him, a permanent frown on his face. He’s accustomed.  
  
“And you?” – his voice speaks and is hard breathing for Jongin now. He had completely forgotten about it.   
  
“I-“ – he stutters, not good for a situation like this, not good for the ‘confidence’ he was supposed to show – “I- Fine!” – _Speak idiot, ask._ – “Dad, I—I wanted- I know we’ve discussed this, before you say anything but- I was doing research and-“   
  
His father’s brow furrows deeper, he drops his chopsticks and folds his hands together under his chin. That’s not good for Jongin. The boy takes a deep breath, drops his gaze and his sister has stopped chewing, her eyes wide open, glancing between her brother and her father.  
  
“I’ve gotten really good at it.” – he manages to say, practically in a whisper, he’s not even sure they heard him – “You would know if you ever went and watched but- I was doing research and there’s an academy- is actually a ballet school. It’s in the city. I know I’ve asked enough but this is-“   
  
A loud punch makes him and his sister flinch. His father’s knuckles are turning white and his hands are curled in fists, both on each side of his plate.    
  
“You know you’ve asked enough but yet you keep asking for nonsense.” – Jongin is scared to death now, he should be accustomed to this, he has heard it for years, but this always makes him anxious, dry in the mouth, tremble to his feet. The one of two topics they’re not allowed to bring up – ever - is now there, he said it, and his father’s neck veins are showing.  
  
“I know.” – Jongin defends – “But if you could understand what it means-“   
  
“I know what it means” – his father responds – “It means bills, it means money, it means hard work that I know you are not ready to do”   
  
“I’m not ready to do?!” – Jongin raises his voice and he regrets it. His father punches the table once again.  
  
“I won’t discuss this with you again.” – he gets up and leaves. His sister is quiet and doesn’t continue eating for a while. Jongin feels his eyes watering and has to pretend its itching. Boys are not supposed to cry.    
  
“You have to do the dishes.” – his sister speaks and it feels like his balls are twisting under the table.   
  
-  
  
Scribbling. Chalk over a dark surface, graphite over paper, he writes the same characters as his teacher in his notebook when someone taps softly on his shoulder. He turns his head and sees a round face on his peripherals.   
  
“Did you ask?” – a low voice speaks. Jongin sighs and nods slowly. The boy sitting behind him in class understands his body language and stays quiet for a few seconds – “Not even when you told him we would get jobs over summer and winter break?”   
  
“I didn’t even get to that part” – Jongin twists his body in his chair and is now facing his best friend – “I didn’t even tell him there’s a scholarship, Kyungsoo” - and the last syllable sounds close to a sob to which the other boy opens his eyes in alarm.   
  
“Then you didn’t ask” – he tries his words to not sound like a scold.  
  
“I did!” – Jongin raises his voice – “Is just he didn’t let me finish!”   
  
“Boys” – his biology teacher snaps at them – “If you want to continue your chat I ask you to please step out of my classroom”   
  
Both of them straighten and mouth a “we’re sorry” in unison, they pretend to continue writing for a minute, then Kyungsoo taps his shoulder once again.   
  
“Did he hit you?” – his voice is a whisper now. Jongin quickly shakes his head and turns around.  
  
“He just got all mad and left. He said I wasn’t ready for that type of work”  
  
“What?” – Kyungsoo asks in a frown – “What does that mean; you’ve worked part-time since you were 15.”  
  
“I don’t know! Do you think he-“  
  
“Gentlemen!” – the woman in front of the class interrupts them – “Please, continue your chat outside. I’m begging you. Just get out”

They quickly gather their stuff and leave the room suppressing laughter. It's not like is the first time they’ve been kicked out of a classroom before. It's just another paper he has to do for extra credit in biology.  
  
“What were you telling me?” – Kyungsoo brings up the subject as they lazily walk down the stairs.  
  
“Ah- that maybe he means I’m too immature still?” – Jongin frowns and his steps feel heavier next to Kyungsoo.  
  
The other doesn’t say anything and they reach the ground floor, biology was their last class so they can go home now.  
  
“We’ll figure something out, Jongin” - the other says, stretching enough so his arm is around his friend’s shoulder – “Even if we have to fake your I.D and all the graduation papers, we’ve done worse things, that would be a child’s game”   
  
Jongin snickers as the long hall adventures in front of them, everything is in silence as the lessons continue and he feels a déjà vu as a thick and wet breeze washes his face.   
  
-  
  
 _Six year old Kim Jongin is sitting alone on a bench. His eyes are puffy and his nose is red. School is about to start and he doesn’t have a lunch box like all the other kids. His dad has been at the hospital with his mom and his sister got a burn that morning from trying to fry an egg. They pinky-swore not to tell anyone. Jongin is hungry, he couldn’t reach the cereal on the cabinets and there was no juice on the fridge. He waits for the bell or the call of his teacher. He waits and his chest feels a bit lighter with the cold morning wind tickling his warm face. Other kids are jumping and giggling and is just another thing he’s different at._  
  
 _Boys are on a side, girls are on the other. He’s the only one in the middle. Boys have balls and trucks, the scheme of color that flies away are blues and greens. Girls have pink and red dolls and strollers. He’s right in the middle. He feels his eyes watering again._

 _Last night his father got mad, he had told him he couldn’t dance on his sister’s bright pink tutu but he had wanted to do the same ‘rivaltadi’ – revoltade – as her, she was laughing and applauding him and he felt like his feet were bubbles. He was happy.  His father pushed him into his room and ripped the piece of tul off his waist; he smacked him on the head and didn’t say good night to him. That was the first night in all six years of Jongin’s existence his father had not said good night._  
  
 _The first of many._  
  
 _For many months, he stole glances of his sister’s room while she practiced her new ballet steps with her friends. He never dared to touch her tutu again, not wanting to provoke his father’s anger, he just paid close attention to the way her feet swayed and how her arms and hands delicately stretched in the path the music left._  
  
 _They had babysitters on the weekends as his father remained every hour of the day at the hospital; mostly it was the same young woman – with ugly skirts and snickers too worn out – she was nice, though, both siblings agreed. She helped Jongin with calligraphy and Eunmi with her Fouettés. She had a great love for ballet as well, and most Sundays were spent watching musicals and plays. His favorite was The Swan Lake – or something like that – and Kim Jongin had never seen anything more beautiful._  
  
 _He visits his mother at the hospital a few days a week; she has lost her hair and her glance is darker as days go by, but still, she carries the same smile Jongin remembers since the day he was born (he likes to exaggerate). He takes a CD with him every time, and even though there’s no stereo, his mother hums to them every song on the list. Classical, rock, pop, traditional, and even those funny songs which lyrics he doesn’t understand and the rhythm is too quick. All of those his mother hums and she coughs mid-way the list, spitting out a “Don’t tell daddy” – as her eyes are red with tears and she breaths slowly._  
  
 _“Be good, baby” – she would tell him at the end of the day, as Jongin’s eyes start to fill with tears, he’s the last to leave the room after the nurse tells him five or six times that is already time to go – “Always protect your sisi when we’re not home and have nice dreams every night” – she caresses his son’s cheek with pale and cold fingers and Jongin’s tears fall almost in slow motion. It feels like nail scratches down his cheeks._  
  
 _From a certain Sunday – a Sunday he remembers as dark colored, with grey skies and scented like green tea – his life looks like a blur, since the moment Eunmi picked up the phone and dropped it just five seconds later, his school, his father and mother’s faces, his room, his house, the walls, the picture frames that nobody has the courage to dust off, everything spins like the record playing piano songs in the turntables at dinner two months later, as a seven year old Kim Jongin eats for the first time without throwing up after his mother passed away._  
  
All of this is frightening for Jongin as he remembers those days, days he never wants to go back to. His feet feel heavy and his chest is tight. Kyungsoo is next to him in silence on the way to his house and he steals a few glances every couple of seconds. Rainy days are like this for Jongin.   
  
-  
  
 _As an eleven year old, Jongin feels miserable (and deep down selfish) as he listen to music in his room, maybe too loud for his father’s liking, but he wants to scape – he wants to leave this world and maybe jump into one of those other universes those scientifics were talking about on TV.  He fights with his two remaining family members almost every day, feeling a heavy weight in his stomach every time his sister glares at him and every time his father threatens a smack on the head._  
  
 _He feels it’s broken. He feels his world broke that May his mother passed away - he feels the light went away from their household with the first ring of the kitchen phone. He can only take deep breaths when he sees musicals on TV – her sister not doing it anymore with him – but he feels a bit of joy in the beauty of the dancers. Each turn and each jump._  
  
 _He scribbles down the dance steps his sister used to practice every day after school – Eunmi doesn’t take lessons anymore since that Sunday of May – and Jongin sketches the form the best way his memory assures as it plays in his mind, too coward to dance it himself, even in the privacy and loneliness of his bedroom. He takes that notebook everywhere, feeling scared of someone to find it and make fun of him._  
  
 _Glissades, pirouettes and jetés are not for boys._  
  
 _He goes to school by himself after his father makes tasteless breakfasts, he never complains, happy it doesn’t taste like anything; too much flavor still makes him nauseous. He sits in the middle of the classroom; far from the window as the clouds mock the entire town, never dropping rain, always leaving gray days on the first week of June. He’s the last one to leave, not wanting to encounter crowds in the shoe lockers and knowing his sister is outside, by the gates, ready to bicker about him being late. It’s the same and he’s used to it._  
  
 _He’s ready to get out of the room when someone stumbles in and makes him drop his bag. Three notebooks fall off and exactly his sketch book flies open in the middle – Jongin is prepared for the storm of curse words and offenses that the other boy seems ready to give as he takes a peak of his face, round and too childish. He rushes to get his belongings and leave for sure when his hand touches the other boy’s, trying to grab the sketch book. He’s now waiting for a mocking laugh and the word ‘pussy’ for sure. Nothing comes as the boy opens his eyes wide and has a corner of his mouth higher._  
  
 _“You draw really well!” – he beams, his gaze still on the pages – “I can see a ballet dancer here, it’s great!”_  
  
 _Jongin’s eyes furrow and his chest is tight._  
  
 _“And you put a name to every step-wait, you like ballet?” – the other giggles as he flips page after another. Jongin is speechless for two seconds and suddenly snatches his sketchbook from the other’s hands._  
  
 _“Didn’t your mother tell you it’s rude to go through other people’s belongings?”_  
  
 _The boy takes his hands to his back and stares at the floor, mumbling “I’m sorry” and running to his desk to get something. He’s about the same size as Jongin but his limbs are shorter – especially his shoulders – and his dark hair shines immensely with the fluorescent lights.  Jongin feels bad for snapping – he has been losing all normal contact with people, thinking they’re all on defense mode as him and his family._  
  
 _“I’m sorry if I yelled at you. That was really rude of me” – he starts, putting his bag on a desk and walking close the other boy. He has his sketchbook in hand and feels very awkward – “I do like ballet-“ his throat closes at the end of the word, he has never said that to anyone._  
  
 _The boy looks at him and Jongin can only notice how huge his eyes are, maybe because of his thick glasses – but his pupil is dark and is staring right through him. His smile is slowly coming back to his face as he nods in response. “Me too! My mom really likes it and my father is a local TV producer, we go to plays a lot!” – he excitedly answers and Jongin grins without really wanting to._  
  
 _“I’m Do Kyungsoo” – he lowers his voice and scratches the back of his head – “I’m not sure if you know who I am, you seem oblivious all the time, but that’s my name. I sit two rows and two sits behind you.” – he points to his desk and he’s right, Jongin didn’t know his name at all. He only remembered that on the first day of school, he turned around to check a world map and Kyungsoo was frowning in his direction. He didn’t have much interest in him after that._  
  
 _This Kyungsoo now was a whole different Kyungsoo._  
  
 _“I’m Kim Jongin” – he replies, the other only nods with a smile and his eyes get smaller. The word that Jongin’s mind forms is just ‘cute’. Kyungsoo grabs a textbook from his desk and moves to the door as Jongin follows his steps, looking for a cohesive sentence to follow their tiny conversation. Kyungsoo seems nice, and he’s the first boy he hears saying something positive about ballet and dancing. His chest gets tighter._  
  
 _“Do you dance?” – is the one thing he can think of, and it comes out lower that his regular tone, afraid anyone in the hall might hear him. Kyungsoo gives him another smile and shakes his head._  
  
 _“Not at all” – he answers – “My grandmother said something one time about my body being too weak and my form being too uncreative... I like singing, though”_  
  
 _Jongin’s mind trembles and his brain starts playing a soft piano melody that his mother loved, something her sister played every now and then when she practiced ballet a couple of years ago. It’s strange, he thinks._  
  
 _“Do you dance?” – Kyungsoo asks with interest, a few upper classmen walk by and Jongin glances in their direction._

 _“No” – is what he answers and doesn’t say anything else._  
  
-  
  
In present time, their walk from school is quiet almost all the time, Jongin remembers casually how he met his best friend as tiny droplets of rain play with his hair; he feels lighter as they approach a two story building, plain looking from the outside but music comes from the inside, which gives it all the life it needs. Jongin smiles and quickly waves at the guy walking beside him and he climbs the front steps – two at a time.  
  
“Remember to study for tomorrow’s Literature test” – Kyungsoo reminds him with a serious expression.   
  
“Yeah, yeah” – Jongin dismisses him before opening the door – “I can always copy you, shorty”   
  
Kyungsoo remains serious for another three seconds before continuing walking; he doesn’t say anything to Jongin.   
  
“Hey!” – the taller shouts – “Say goodbye to me, you ungrateful monkey”   
  
Kyungsoo raises his hand and waves to the air and Jongin chuckles.   
  
The inside is cold and with so much light. He likes it that way. He follows the long hall of the first floor and removes his uniform to leave his dancing outfit when he’s inside a wide room with a long mirror and three rows of bars. Another five people are in the same class as him, all women. He doesn’t mind anymore as he used to.  
  
-  
  
 _“You say you like music, dancing and ballet and here we are, two months later and I haven’t seen you take one single step” – Kyungsoo argues, his pencil bouncing on his fingers as he stares deep in Jongin’s face – “I’ve sang for you a million times”_  
  
 _“You’re good at singing” – Jongin answers without raising his gaze from his math exercise._  
  
 _“And who says you’re bad at dancing?” – the smaller stands on his knees – “I could tell you if you only danced for a second”_  
  
 _The house is quiet, Kyungsoo’s parents are not home and they’re supposed to be doing equivalent fractions. It’s hard to concentrate with stupid piano music playing in the back. Jongin meets Kyungsoo’s eyes and his mouth feels dry. The shorter has requested for him to dance uncountable times, every single one shot down by Jongin. Kyungsoo can be very persistent._  
  
 _“I don’t want to” – he says while drawing a petite girl spinning above a diamond on one of the pages of his notebook. He feels ants crawling from his toes and the song finishes. The room is quiet. The lie is too obvious if he dares to look at Kyungsoo in the eye._  
  
 _“I don’t believe you, Jongin” – the other replies. Quiet again and he changes CDs in his stereo. Soft and slow piano keys start playing again and Kyungsoo takes Jongin’s pencil from his hands and taps it on his head – “You know you’re the easiest person to read in the world, right?”_  
  
 _Jongin is about to yell at him when the song gets stronger and Kyungsoo has a shy smile on his face._  
  
 _“I used to do this with my cousins back in preschool but...” – he puts a hand on the desk and straightens his back, his cheeks turn pink one second after and his feet get in first position, Jongin knows what comes next and his neck feels warm – “I’m doing this so you don’t feel awkward so please don’t leave me alone.”_  
  
 _Kyungsoo bends his knees and lowers a few centimeters – a demi plié – and Jongin snorts softly and stands right in front of Kyungsoo and mirrors his position. His face is hotter than ever and his body feels stiff and numb, he can’t remember another time he has felt that embarrassed but he can’t help but smile as Kyungsoo laughs._  
  
 _Kyungsoo removes himself from the desk and walks towards the stereo, he switches CDs and some soft hip hop plays._  
  
 _“I’m really bad at dancing like this...” – he starts – “but since all you need is a push-”_  
  
 _He moves with the rhythm and his face is bright red, Jongin tries hard not to laugh, biting on his bottom lip and his nostrils get big. He thinks of a moment when he tried dancing, maybe on a family member’s wedding, a birthday party, but he can’t recall anything. He moves closer to Kyungsoo and is the most awkward he has been in his life, but he lets the music flow through him like water._

 _Kyungsoo’s eyes get brighter as he smiles at him and continues shuffling softly._  
  
 _Jongin tries to remember fancy steps he maybe watched on TV, he tries to combine with whatever he is feeling at the moment and he catches himself laughing loudly. This is the first warm memory he has since his mother passed away and that’s the main reason he practically never leaves Kyungsoo’s side in the following years._  
  
-  
  
 _“Jongin” – Kyungsoo says, his face is serious while looking at his best friend. They’re in the classroom eating their lunches; the noise from their classmates is muffled, like they’re in their own bubble. One facing the other._  
  
 _“Kyungsoo” – the other looks at him in the eye with a mocking expression, he doesn’t reply, just stays quiet, a few minutes pass and he repeats his friend’s name._  
  
 _“Don’t ignore what I said” – the shorter bites on an egg roll his mother prepared for him, Jongin rolls his eyes._  
  
 _“I didn’t hear you, sorry” – he responds and his face shows no emotions, that pisses Kyungsoo off a lot._  
  
 _“You liked it. You know you did and I know is eating you inside.” – Kyungsoo speaks, his big eyes are focused on his friend’s face and it looks like the other is ignoring him, but he knows very well this is how Jongin functions – “You want to go back.”_  
  
 _“It was fun-“– Jongin cuts himself just as he starts speaking. It’s irritating how Kyungsoo makes him speak; makes him reveal his thoughts. Thoughts he has saved for several good reasons – “But I can’t go again. You understand.”_  
  
 _It has been a little over a year that Kim Jongin is friends with Do Kyungsoo. You could say it was quick, you could say it was strange. The word Jongin prefers to use is ‘easy’. Kyungsoo is the tiniest 12 year old he has seen in his life; he’s funny and has a curious and tiny hump on his back. He’s as blind as a bat and wears really funny looking glasses. He’s perceptive and very easy to talk to, he understands how Jongin feels most of the time, he’s smart, he gets good grades, he knows how to read sheet music and can play a few songs on the piano in his house. The most special thing about Do Kyungsoo – in Jongin’s opinion – is his voice. It makes him remember the sound of cascades - not that he has ever gone to one._  
  
 _So by the time 13 months have flown, Do Kyungsoo knows Kim Jongin’s point of view. He understands why Jongin is always quiet when clouds cover the blue sky; he knows when Jongin doesn’t like the spicy soup his mother made for dinner. Kyungsoo knows why he almost never dances, even though he can see the glow in his eyes whenever music plays, even though Kim Jongin has so much talent._  
  
 _Kyungsoo understands. It doesn’t mean he likes it._  
  
 _“You heard how they can help you with the payments” –the shorter begins – “And my mom is friends with the owner, she can help as well!” – he insists._  
  
 _Jongin looks out the window, then his food, he looks at Kyungsoo and then his food again. He doesn’t say anything._  
  
 _“Jongin...” – Kyungsoo’s voice is serious and low – “I know what dancing means to you. I know it and you haven’t told me. I know because is obvious.”_  
  
 _Jongin doesn’t look up and Kyungsoo is afraid his friend might start crying. Jongin has ants in his hands, he can’t feel his toes, he remembers how fun it was to sneak in that ballet class – Kyungsoo by his side – and how that lady told him he had enormous talent and he could definitely come back. That was the longest he had smiled in years._  
  
 _He got back to his house and his father and sister were fighting. His bubble broke and he remembered who he was and what he had to do. Boys play soccer and wrestle._  
  
 _“I can’t take dance lessons.”  - he mutters. He eyes at the people surrounding them and nobody pays attention._  
  
 _“Are you scared of what your dad would say?”_  
  
 ** _I am._** _He says nothing, he goes to the washroom and he doesn’t speak to Kyungsoo in two days. Kyungsoo understands._  
  
 _That doesn’t mean he likes it._

_-_

He takes two bowls from the counter; his sister is not home so he makes noodle soup. The taste is nothing like he remembers his mother used to make it - it has been 10 years since she died after all. His father turns the keys and he’s inside the kitchen in three long steps. He doesn’t say anything. Jongin puts plates on the table; fixes the glasses of water, the chopsticks and spoons. His father sits without saying a word.   
  
Jongin’s mind is rushing through sentence after sentence, anything he could say to bring the topic back carefully, but he knows there’s no way. He should just stop being a coward. Kyungsoo pops in his mind – chubby cheeks, a big frown as he squints behind him in class because he can’t read what it’s in the blackboard; Jongin chuckles softly and his father eyes him suspiciously.  
  
“What’s so funny?” – he asks, his voice husky. Jongin shakes his head.  
  
“Can I stay at Kyungsoo’s tomorrow?” – the young man asks after they have finished dinner – “We have a trigonometry test on Friday. It’s important”   
  
His father picks on food between his teeth, he looks anywhere but his eyes. The man nods and starts gathering the plates in one pile, Jongin helps him and he doesn’t feel so suffocated, the tension is not there at all. His father is not mad.   
  
“Actually, can Kyungsoo stay here?” – he drinks the remaining of water in his glass. The man eyes him for the first time that night – Kyungsoo almost never stays there – Jongin is always afraid one of his family members will snap.    
  
“Sure” – he answers and leaves to the kitchen. Jongin smiles without realizing and goes to sleep, having nice dreams, just like he promised his mother ten years ago. _  
  
-  
  
 _“Jongin, come on!” – Kyungsoo yells from the other sidewalk, his short legs have crossed the street while the traffic light still shines red. Jongin is frozen on the other side, he opens his eyes wide as his friend motions his hand, he doesn’t move._  
  
 _To say he’s terrified and practically shitting his pants is an understatement._  
  
 _He clutches his school bag to his chest and runs to the other side, right before the traffic light switches to green and the cars fly pass them. Kyungsoo smirks and continues walking; they’re half a block away from the towns Dance Academy – a building that is painfully familiar and a building Jongin dreams every other night with. The white façade pops in comparison with the other brown and grey buildings, he presses his arms tighter to his chest and he feels his knees go jelly. His heart beats furiously; Kyungsoo’s hand is on his back pushing him._  
  
 _“Come on, keep walking.” – he hadn’t realized he had stopped – “I will be there with you all two hours.” – Kyungsoo assures him as they walk the front stairs. The sun rays mark the entrance, and if Jongin was able to speak at that moment, he would say it was a sign from the heavens. He swallows and lets himself feel the A.C when Kyungsoo makes the door fly open._  
  
  
 _“You never took calligraphy in the first grade?” – Kyungsoo side eyes him, Jongin erases the last two characters he wrote and tries to form a comprehensible word. He's shaking too much._  
  
 _“Could you do it for me?” – he hands Kyungsoo the inscription form the secretary asked to fill, he hasn’t even finished with his surname. Kyungsoo chuckles and takes the pencil and paper._  
  
 _“Name?” – he stares at the paper in focus while sticking his tongue out. Jongin snaps his head and frowns._  
  
 _“You know my name, idiot” – Kyungsoo laughs and writes something down._  
  
 _“Birth”_  
  
 _“January 14 1994”_  
  
 _“Weight and height”_  
  
 _“I don’t know.” – he cries, Kyungsoo chuckles again and Jongin is about to smack him on the head – “Last time I went to the doctor I was around 30 kg and that was like 3 years ago...Just write 40” – Jongin brushes and looks at the secretary as she reads a magazine. He’s about to run out the door but he knows Kyungsoo is pretty quick, he’ll catch him in less than 2 seconds._  
  
 _“I think I’m 1,43 m. and since you’re just a tiny bit taller than me I’ll write 1.45 m.”  - Kyungsoo speaks and stays focused on the papers in hand. He keeps writing and Jongin feels like he’ll have a panic attack, he steals glances to the secretary’s desk, he looks at Kyungsoo, and every half a second his eyes land on the front door._  
  
 ** _My dad could come in any second._** _Is really ridiculous to think that, is 4 in the afternoon and his father is at work, but as a twelve year old, Kim Jongin is doing the most rebellious thing he could ever think and paranoid is the word that most describes him at the moment._  
  
 _“Kyungsoo, let’s just go. I still have a chance, I haven’t given them the money” – he says, Kyungsoo raises his head and he looks disappointed. Jongin doesn’t like that – “I’m scared to death okay? This money is for food. I can’t just take it like this.”__

__“We talked about it, Jongin.” – his friend reassures. They have been planning this for two weeks, Kyungsoo convinced him that weekend after their first fight, after Jongin felt scared and fallen. After he thought his dream was for sure buried. Kyungsoo brought him back, Kyungsoo was the braver out of the two, Kyungsoo convinced him._   
  
_He hates Kyungsoo._   
  
_“We’ll just take whatever you need from my house.” – he repeats his words for the twentieth time – “My parents won’t tell and your dad won’t tell either. All of this until you can prove to your dad that dancing is your passion”_   
  
_His words sooth him and his chest feels just a bit lighter. Jongin nods and closes his eyes; he counts the compasses in the song that plays inside the rehearse room, figures moving beautifully, even as the tinted glass of the door disguises a lot of the details. Kyungsoo fills the rest of the form and pats his friend on the back, Jongin hands five bills to the secretary and she smiles at the boys._   
  
_“Come with me” – she says as she walks them down a long aisle and up a set of stairs. The floor is the cleanest and shiniest he has seen and Kyungsoo is excited, like he was the one about to dance – “I will communicate Mrs. Sunyoung that she has a new student”_   
  
_The room is wide and bright, multiple light bulbs up in the ceiling make Kyungsoo’s skin look even more pale than usual, his moles pop up like stars on his neck. Jongin thinks it’s cute; then he realizes, about 45 seconds after the secretary left them standing on a side of the door, that they’re the only boys in the room. He feels totally lost. Kyungsoo holds his arm as if he knows what he’s thinking._   
  
_“Jonginnie!” – the dance instructor sings as she pats the boy in the shoulder – “You came back! Kyungsoonie, how is your mother, dear?” – The woman speaks fast and high, she has long legs and her hair is a bright orange color. Something strange for a middle aged woman, but it looks good on her, Jongin thinks – “...and she should definitely come by my house and have some tea and biscuits, we were the best friends in high school, you let her know I want to have a chat, Kyungsoo. Anyways, why don’t change your clothes and take some shoes from the locker, Jonginnie, we were just starting to warm up.”_   
  
_Jongin nods slowly and he looks at his friend, which has a smile on his face - he looks quite ridiculous. Jongin snorts and walks to the locker room._   
  
_“I’ll be down stairs.” – Kyungsoo announces with a low voice. Jongin nods and smiles as well._   
  
_That’s the first time he feels his chest get warm. Not tight or pressured, his paranoia disintegrates and he’s nervous, of course, but is a good feeling. He smiles the rest of the day, he smiles when his thighs ache from stretching, he smiles when his pas de bourreé is not as smooth as everyone else’s, he smiles even when class is dismissed, because he can’t wait to be back the next day. He smiles brighter when he meets Kyungsoo by the entrance, the boy taking his notebooks inside his bag, having the same grin as Jongin._ _

__Jongin feels warmer in his stomach once they’re out and Kyungsoo squeezes his hand while they walk, but he assumes is just the August weather._  
  
-    
  
“_Do you think it looks okay?” – Kyungsoo cocks his head to the side; he has been working on that fake signature for 25 minutes now. Jongin’s brows are almost touching, his eyes move from one side to the other, he scans the original signature and the copy, strikes he has seen dozens of times in water and electricity bills.    
  
“I can’t tell a difference.” – he grabs the paper and takes it close to his face, it looks perfect – “I’m so glad that after five years, I still prefer to sacrifice my ass for dancing.” – Jongin jokes – “I’m also glad you risk your ass for me.”  
  
Kyungsoo smirks obliviously as he eyes the variety of papers scattered around the floor of Jongin’s room. Recommendation letters, permissions, certified grades...  
  
“Where’s your admission letter?” – he asks and looks at Jongin in the face. The other shows a crooked smile, an awkward one that doesn’t reach his eyes and he glances at the floor quickly – “You haven’t written it?”   
  
“I tried!” – the taller whines – “but I choked up, I didn’t know what to write. It started okay I guess, but then it turned into a weird sort of soliloquize that had terrible grammar.”   
  
“I’m so surprised; you’ve always been so good with words.” – Kyungsoo mocks.  
  
“Hey, I fucking-“– the front door of the house opens and closes within a second. Jongin freezes in his spot and Kyungsoo is the first to react, taking all the papers quickly and putting them on a brown envelope, then shoving it in one of Jongin’s underwear drawers. They take their notebooks, textbooks and calculators; settle one in the bed and the other one on the floor. Jongin counts the steps coming from the stairs – “He’s coming, he’s coming, chill.”   
  
The door to his room flies open and his father inspects both boys.  
  
“Kyungsoo” – he says and the other boy bows with wide eyes on his face.  
  
“How are you, sir?” – the short man greets him and Jongin’s dad just nods.  
  
“I’ll make dinner” – he affirms – “You keep studying”   
  
The door closes; Jongin releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.   
  
“Explain me again why are we doing this here and not in my house?” – Kyungsoo questions as he doodles on his textbook.   
  
“You could get in trouble in your house too.” – Jongin answers, trying his word to sound convincing; is not like he doesn’t like staying at Kyungsoo’s, but he wants to spend time together in his house too – “At least here, you can go home and leave everything.”   
  
“I wouldn’t” – Kyungsoo mutters.   
  
“Yes, you would. I wouldn’t let you get in trouble.”   
  
Kyungsoo snorts and takes the envelope back in his hands.   
  
“You know you only have a little over a week to send this and the DVD, right?” – the shorter says eyeing Jongin – “If there’s no admission letter all of this is pointless. That mini heart attack I just had. Pointless. I can help you write it but you have to know what you want to say.”   
  
“It’s a dance school, why do I need to say all these things?” - Jongin pouts and crosses his arms over his chest. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes a blank paper from his backpack.  
  
“I don’t know, but the application form says you have to add it to apply, so here.” – he throws the paper at the boy on the bed – “Write what music makes you feel, what you feel when you dance, whatever the hell crosses your mind. Just write.”   
  
Jongin looks at him and he tries to suppress a grin, his friend is almost frowning, his lips are puffy and he keeps doodling on the head of his notebook. He has a flash of twelve year old Kyungsoo, the pushy one, the one that never got a no for an answer, the one that insisted that Jongin should sign in on the towns Dance Academy, the one that took orange juice, flour and eggs from his refrigerator to school every Monday. His friend was still the same and Jongin’s heart beats slightly faster, he covers his smirk (and also his upcoming blush) with the piece of paper, trying to think of a good first sentence for a start. _  
  
-  
  
 _“Kim Jongin” – his sixth grade math teacher calls from her desk, the boy looks up and starts walking in her direction – “Do you know where Do Kyungsoo lives, right? You have been friends for a while now.”_  
  
 _Jongin nods and notices the stack of papers the woman is holding in her hands._  
  
 _“I think it would be better if Kyungsoo starts working from home, he has been missing school for two weeks and I’m afraid he’ll be behind by the time he comes back.” – she says – “Oh wait-have you had chicken pox?”_  
  
 _Jongin nods again and remembers strange baths with pinkish milk his sister and him took a long while ago. His mother smiled from out the tub as he played with Eunmi’s ducky._  
  
 _“Oh, then could you give the past assignments to Kyungsoo?” – she offers the boy the papers and Jongin can’t understand why, but he is happy with the task. He hasn’t seen Kyungsoo in 16 days._  
  
  
  
 _“Hi, Jongin!” – a tall kid sits next to him and a skinnier follows his moves. He thinks their names are Chanyeol and Baek...something. He doesn’t understand why they are opening their lunch boxes next to him, though._  
  
 _“Hi” – Jongin responds quietly._  
  
 _“I know you usually eat lunch with Kyungsoo...“- the taller begins – “...but since he’s sick I’ve seen you eat by yourself. You don’t mind, right?”_  
  
 _Jongin shakes his head and stays quiet. He knows Chanyeol helps Kyungsoo with his Literature assignments and the other kid helps him in PE.  Jongin has crossed maybe three or four words with them. He feels uncomfortable. Minutes pass and the boys share words quickly, their responses are short and they laugh with every sentence. They’re always together, Jongin just notices._  
  
 _“I always thought you were very chatty since Kyungsoo is always talking to you” – Chanyeol starts to say – “and Kyungsoo doesn’t really talk to people...”_  
  
 _“Is more like he just glares at people until they do what he says” – both kids chuckle and Jongin frowns slightly._  
  
 _“Kyungsoo speaks a lot.” – he defends his friend._  
  
 _“Oh, we know.” – Chanyeol insists – “We always notice when he talks with you. But is only to you. It’s nice.”__

__Jongin frowns deeper in confusion. He always thought Kyungsoo was a chatty person; he brings conversation at any hour of the day, he greets Jongin and asks him what his favorite song is that day. He shares his CDs with Jongin and lets him know when something annoys him. He’s stubborn and doesn’t like loud noises, but he appreciates a good rock album every now and then. It has been 17 months since he has been friends with Do Kyungsoo, and just now he realizes, he has never seen Kyungsoo have a long conversation with anyone else._   
  
_Jongin grins to the other two boys and they glance to each other. Jongin doesn’t notice he’s starting to blush, so all Chanyeol and Baekhyun do is smirk._   
  
  
_He knocks three times, with the compasses of the music playing in his earphones he waits for the door to open. It’s not long before a petite woman appears in front of him, her hair is short and her eyes are big. The inside smells like tea and he has trouble breathing – he bears with it, though._   
  
_“Jonginie!” – the woman beams and grabs his hand – “What brings you around here?”_ _

__“Our teacher asked me to bring Kyungsoo the last assignments we’ve had” – he explains and his voice shivers just a tiny bit. He hopes the woman doesn’t tell. She keeps her smile on her face and Jongin can notice how she has doubts to let him in – “I had chicken pox when I was 5- I think. I’ll be fine.“_   
  
_She chuckles and steps aside as Jongin quickly removes his shoes, he walks up the stairs two at a time and his chest gets lighter spotting the first door in the corridor. He knocks on it softly and Kyungsoo shouts a ‘come in’ from inside._   
  
_“Hi” – Jongin says shyly, stepping on the others room, everything is neat and clean, light colored sheets cover the bed he’s lying on with a DS in his hands. Kyungsoo looks at him and automatically smiles. His face, neck and arms – and those are just the body parts he can see – are marked with red spots, so many red spots - it looks painful, but the smaller doesn’t seem distressed. He steps closer and takes a seat on his desk chair._   
  
_“Mrs. Soojin says you’re behind on work.” – he shows all the papers his teacher asked to deliver – “Functions are a child’s game compared to equivalent fractions.”_   
  
_“You’ve done this in just two weeks?” – Kyungsoo gasps, his eyes fall to his lap, where a big amount of work sheets rest over his legs. He shuts close his game console and stares at Jongin with big opened eyes – “You brought your notes, right?”_   
  
_Jongin chuckles and looks for something in his bag – “I think she exaggerated a little, we’ve only completed around half of those exercises. And we haven’t done graphics, which you also have to do there. We’ll work on that next week.”_   
_

__He hands his friend his math work book with most of the solved exercises._   
  
_“When can you get out of your house again?” – Jongin starts playing with Kyungsoo’s DS as the other checks for the exercises he has to complete._   
  
_“I don’t know. The marks are drying out, aren’t they?” – he gets closer to Jongin and the other makes a face that has Kyungsoo chuckling – “I think in another two weeks I’ll be okay.”_   
  
_He smiles. Jongin takes a deep breath and the door flies open._   
  
_“Do you want anything?” – Kyungsoo’s mother speaks, holding her arm in the door frame – “Would you like some tea, Jonginssi?”_ _

__“No, Jongin doesn’t like tea, mom. Do we have juice left?” – Kyungsoo says, her mother nods and she leaves the room with a sweet smile._  
  
 _Jongin has never said he doesn’t like tea._  
  
 _He squints at Kyungsoo and the other ignores him, he’s focused on the numbers in Jongin’s notebook. He recalls telling Kyungsoo why his family just has three members – that time his eyes got watery because the sky was getting cloudy. He described how losing a parent was to Kyungsoo and they remained silent by Jongin’s porch for the rest of that afternoon. The shorter never showed signs of pity – which was the thing that Jongin was most afraid of._  
  
 _“How is ballet?” – he snaps Jongin out of his thoughts – “You’ve been going, right?”_  
  
 _He nods with a crooked smile, he doesn’t look at Kyungsoo – he continues playing Mario Kart._  
  
 _“What has your dad said?”_  
  
 _“Not much.” – Jongin lifts his feet and rests them on the bed – “To be honest he hasn’t said a single word to me in over a month. Not since he found out.”_  
  
 _It wasn’t long – just two short months – that Jongin managed to keep the secret in his house. Kyungsoo assured him his parents didn’t tell a few grams of sugar were missing every week, but his dad wasn’t so unobservant - add a very nosy and annoying sister and you get a blow up; a night full of scolds the second Kim Jongin enters his house a little after 7 pm on a Friday._  
  
 _He still doesn’t know how his dad found out about him taking ballet lessons, but he managed to convince him to let him stay, he fought with teeth and nails and even if he hates to admit it, his sister helped him as well._  
  
 _Kyungsoo looks at him and doesn’t show emotions, his eyes are big as always which makes Jongin chuckle._  
  
 _“And what about the payments?”_  
  
 _“He gave me enough money on Monday.” – Jongin replies – “Which kind of makes me feel worse. I’d be more than happy if he didn’t give me a penny, but still went every now and then and watched me – if he would smile when I want to talk to him about it, if he tried to make conversation about it... ”_  
  
 _Jongin drops his gaze to his hands over his lap and shakes his head, his throat closed up. He won’t cry. He doesn’t notice Kyungsoo‘s hand crawl half an inch and stop suddenly._  
  
 _“Think it this way.” – the boy starts – “He didn’t make you quit.”_  
  
 _Jongin raises his head and stares at Kyungsoo._  
  
 _“I know that is hard if he doesn’t speak to you, but at least he didn’t call you a ‘fag’, did he?” – Jongin shakes his head rapidly – “He’s just confused...I suppose. He doesn’t know how to react and the best way he found was to ignore you.” – he cracks a smile and Jongin snorts._  
  
 _“You speak like you know him very well. “ – he says with an eye roll – “He has known I like ballet since I was six. I’m pretty sure he knew when I quickly switched TV channels and when I hid my notebooks from him. He has got enough time to accustom to it. He will never like it.”_  
  
 _“You can still practice hard and prove how great you can get.” – Kyungsoo reassures him. Jongin puzzles a smile on his face, the one he can draw if he thinks of the right things._  
  
 _He stays for hours in Kyungsoo’s house that day and the next. His parents let him have dinner with them and his brother, he plays and helps Kyungsoo with math and above all, he seems to forget about the tea scent stream that comes from the kitchen at every hour, because he feels his chest get lighter every time he stays with Kyungsoo._  
  
 _-_  
  
“_And?” – Jongin is hugging his pillow, knees close to his chest – “What do you think?”   
  
Kyungsoo is staring to smirk but quickly bites his bottom lip; he raises the paper in his hands to cover part of his face as he reads the final sentences in the admission letter Jongin wrote the night before. He couldn’t have done it better if he wanted to.   
  
“It’s perfect.” – he affirms – “You’re set to go, Jongin...do you want to go the post office now?”  
  
Kyungsoo is starting to get up when Jongin grabs his arm.  
  
“Wait!” – he says – “We- can’t we wait for tomorrow?”  
  
“Tomorrow is Sunday.”   
  
“Then on Monday! Even better. Let’s just wait.”  
  
“Wait for what?”   
  
Jongin stays quiet and can’t think of a reliable excuse. He has nothing.  
  
“Jongin.” – Kyungsoo looks deep in his eyes, they’re on a staring fight, the shorter no longer uses glasses – settles with contact lenses – and it’s difficult to win, Jongin neck starts to burn up.  
  
“You can call me a coward. I know.” – the taller announces and he drops his gaze to his lap. Kyungsoo sighs and sits again, right in front of him.  
  
“I won’t call you a coward.” – that’s what he says as he has both hands trapped between his thighs – “You know I always think of myself as this really annoying kid that keeps nagging you. From the moment we met, I’ve bothered you constantly.”   
  
Jongin snorts softly and looks up.  
  
“But I’ve told you over one hundred times that you are the most talented person I know. Even better than Jongdae and his high notes – Okay, maybe that’s a different type of talent, but you have it in you, Jongin. You can reach the sky if you want to, and that’s why I’ve been nagging you all these years. You’ve always just needed a little push.”  
  
“You’re not annoying.” – Jongin accuses – “If anything you are...persistent.”   
  
“But no!” – he insists – “I am persisti-you can say I’m persisting if I want something.” – Kyungsoo raises his voice just a little bit and Jongin is afraid his father will come to his room – “But this is different! I know I’m annoying because if I’m not, I won’t like seeing you studying economic sciences or engineering in college, I won’t like seeing you spending your free time looking for cheap calculus books in every library in town. I won’t like seeing you on an 9 to 5 job; I won’t like seeing you wearing the same dark suits, boring and lifeless, that’s not you, Jongin.”   
  
“You’re light and electricity and water and air all together.” – he continues as Jongin stares at him and the door continuously, this is the longest speech Kyungsoo has delivered in all the years they’ve known each other – “And that sounded cheesy as hell but I know you, Jongin! I know you are just an envelope away of getting into that school.”   
  
Jongin can’t say anything and he just sits on the edge of the bed, staring at the closed and almost sealed envelope – fake signatures and phone numbers are in. If he sends that he has to wait maybe a week or two, then he could get a call back and he’d have to go to Seoul to a live audition in front of a set of professors and professional dancers. He’s shitting his pants just by thinking about it.  
  
He looks at Kyungsoo who is sitting and staring intensely at Jongin. The latter chuckles and bites at his bottom lip.   
  
“You’ll have to nag me some more for the following months.” – Jongin says as he gets up, grabs his phone, the envelope and walks to the door – “Are you coming with me?”   
  
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and gets his dress shirt from behind the chair he was sitting on. _  
  
-  
  
_ “Kyungsoo, uh-“- he is choking up the words – “I-I- you- are you up?”   
  
“Yeah.” – the other speaks into his cellphone – “What’s going on?”  
  
“I got the email. I haven’t read it, can I read- why are you laughing, idiot? Can I read it at your house? And there’s this little thing I didn’t think through.” _  
_


	2. part 2

“So you got the audition. Great” – Kyungsoo gives a thumb up as he paces in front of Jongin, from right to left he moves his eyes as if he’s watching a tennis match – “But we don’t know how you’ll go to the audition.”   
  
“I can’t buy plane tickets yet.” – Jongin says – “I’m still a minor...do you think your mom would buy it for me? I can pay, I swear.”  
Kyungsoo shakes his head.  
  
“She still thinks your dad gave you permission to send the papers, when you asked her to sign the recommendation letter, remember?”   
  
“A bus would take me like 24 hours to get to Seoul from here.” – Jongin cries – “And I have to be there on Monday at 8.”   
  
Kyungsoo puts his hand under his chin and thinks; he stops in front of Jongin and quickly nods him to move away so he can sit in his desk chair. He swifts his fingers over his keyboard and in less than 5 seconds a website welcomes them.   
  
“The train?” – Jongin inquires – “Aren’t those tickets really expensive?”   
  
“I think Baekhyun told me last summer when he visited his grandmother that they give discount to students.” – Kyungsoo says as he looks for the KTX schedule.   
  
After a lot of bickering, a lot of ‘no, that’s too late I want to be there early’ and ‘do you want to pay for a hotel and more food?’, after Jongin chickened out twice and Kyungsoo decided he could accompany him, they decide to take the train that Sunday afternoon at 4:00 pm.   
  
Jongin returned to his house and changed clothes; he took very little clothing pieces in his backpack, took only the extreme necessary. He lied to his father yet for the one hundredth time in his life – saying he would stay at Kyungsoo’s a few days working on a final physics project.   
  
Jongin walks to the bus stop after having lunch at home - the day is warm and bright, sunlight feels great over his uncovered arms and he rides the bus that takes him easily to the KTX station, where he waits for Kyungsoo – ignoring the pressure that has been getting stronger in his chest since he read the email. His friend gets there after 5 minutes, wearing a completely black outfit that has Jongin snorting.   
  
“What did you tell your parents?” – Jongin asks as they wait to get tickets.  
  
“That I was staying at your place.” – he responds.  
  
“Glad to know that if one of them finds out, they’ll call the other’s parents and this whole thing crumbles down.” – the taller says as he gets his wallet out – “The worst is you’re here without any benefits. That makes me feel like such a shitty friend.”   
  
Kyungsoo laughs and gets his wallet out as well. They buy the tickets and Jongin forms a mental note to eat less the following days – _“this is so expensive, Kyungsoo, what the fuck! Let’s just go back; I’ll buy the damn bus tickets!” “We’re already here, Jongin, let’s just buy it, god damn it!”_  
  
He forms another mental note to curse less in front of people.   
  
The train station is practically lonely, just a few people here and there – mostly families and couples – and they sit close to the gate, as they wait for the train to come. Kyungsoo is playing with his cellphone and Jongin has his eyes closed, listening to the song he has practiced for months, he plays the movements in his head, he slightly moves his feet and fingers in the parts he’s supposed to and he ignores it, but Kyungsoo smirks every time Jongin whips his neck and shoulders at the beat coming from his earphones.   
  
A few minutes later they get on the wagon and the inside is clean and neat, full with light that comes from the outside, Kyungsoo has a little smile on his face as he takes a sit by the window, leaving Jongin to set their luggage up their heads. The latter finally sits beside his friend and is not long before the train starts moving.   
  
Kyungsoo insists Jongin to take a nap, saying he should rest the most he can, having a long day tomorrow – the other is just too excited, taking in the scenery that runs outside the long windows, green mountains display ahead, the clouds are white and so fluffy he feels like taking a dip – if it was only possible. The wagon is cool and nice; Kyungsoo continues playing with his cellphone in silence as Jongin rehearses his dance audition in his head for the twentieth time that day, his palms starts to sweat when the song repeats once again.   
  
Hour and a half of the ride in and Jongin decides is enough for a while, he takes his earphones and shoves them inside his pocket pants, he turns his head and spots Kyungsoo with his eyes closed; he can’t tell if the other is really sleeping or just resting, since Kyungsoo normally crosses his hands over his lap when he’s sleeping. His hands are on each side of his body. Jongin takes a finger, brushes it on Kyungsoo’s ear and the other jolts dramatically, fanning a hand close to the taller’s face.   
  
“What the fuck.” – he says with a raspy voice.   
  
“I’m bored.” – Jongin chats as he rests his head on his hand – “Talk to me, Kyung.”   
  
“I told you to sleep.” – he responds while closing his eyes again and taking a deep breath.  
  
“I don’t feel like sleeping. Too excited.”  
  
“Then rehearse your audition again.”  
  
“I’ve rehearsed it a lot. If I keep doing it I’ll get bored of it.”  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything and Jongin repeats his little joke, taking his index finger right in Kyungsoo’s ear.  
  
“What the fuck, Jongin.” – he scratches his ear as he glares at his friend – “You’re making me regret coming.”   
  
Jongin pouts and crosses his arms.  
  
“What happened to you, Kyung?” – he complains – “Remember when you were this little ball of sunshine and smiles to me? When you would dance to SNSD just to-“  
  
“I grew up.” – he interrupts – “Imagine me being the same annoying ass I was when I was 11.”   
  
“You kind of are.” – Jongin points out. Kyungsoo gives a death stare but doesn’t respond – “No but...I didn’t mean it like that.”  
  
Jongin chuckles and puts his hand over Kyungsoo’s.  
  
“I meant that you still are the best person I’ve met.”   
  
He realizes the depth of his word one second after they leave his mouth, his cheeks feel warmer as time passes and Kyungsoo doesn’t respond – he just gives a short snort and crosses his arms over his chest. Jongin imitates his position and waits for his embarrassment to go away.  
  
He waits one, three, five, ten minutes and his cheeks are just as hot. His mind rushes through the words in that short sentence, Jongin presses the back of his cold hands on his face in hopes it goes away, but nothing happens. He has never said something like that in his life – maybe when he was a little kid and he told his mom she was the most beautiful and special woman he would ever have the chance to touch – but after her death, Jongin has always been the type to stay quiet, as Kyungsoo always said he’s better in expressions, not in words. Kyungsoo hasn’t moved his eyes from the window and the sky is turning purple, shades of orange far away in the horizon.   
  
Jongin wants to say he didn’t mean it like _that_ either, but that would be a lie. Kyungsoo is the one and only person he has in his life – he has his sister and father but in reality, they are as distant as the plastic flowers decorating his home – He wants to think Kyungsoo is like a brother, but that word runs short as well. His feelings for Kyungsoo could be only compared to dancing, but that is because both appeared in his life around the same time. It takes him around 5 seconds to realize that if it wasn’t for the short guy sitting next to him, Kim Jongin wouldn’t have had the guts to go through five years of dancing. Kyungsoo was the one that made him dance when he was too afraid to try it, he was the one to insist for hours and days with a smile on his face to sign in that little Dance Academy and the one that bared hours a week sitting under the bright lights of a dance studio, just so Jongin wouldn’t feel alone and anxious.   
  
Kyungsoo is the one travelling kilometers next to him, just so Jongin doesn’t have a panic attack in the middle of the city.   
  
Jongin realizes his feelings for Kyungsoo are beyond anything he could feel for anything or anyone.  
  
Jongin realizes he has liked dancing for ages, but his true passion for it began when he met Do Kyungsoo.  
  
  
Skyscrapers start to appear in the horizon, millions of lights shine ahead of them, and he’s suddenly terrified. Jongin clutches to the sidebars of his seat as passengers begin to take their bags and there’s a beeping coming from the speakers.  
  
“We would like to welcome you to the city of Seoul-“– a lady’s voice is muffled through the speakers and Kyungsoo nudges him on the side.  
  
“Jongin, let’s go.” – he takes two short breaths and gets up, grabbing their bags and walking to the doors. He bites his lips as they exit the station in silence, the space is huge, there are millions of lights and screens, people are rushing here and there and he feels so small.   
  
“I looked for these hotels when I was on the train.” – Kyungsoo says, stopping by the sidewalk and showing Jongin’s the longest addresses he has seen – “It’s still pretty early, let’s see which one is cheaper.”  
  
They walk side by side, sometimes brushing their arms – Jongin follows his every move, since Kyungsoo has been in Seoul many times – and they reach a bus stop not too far; the city is big and noisy, he observes each flashy car and each building that appears to have over one hundred stories. The ride to a small and almost hidden hotel is short and Kyungsoo announces they have to get off.  
  
“This one looks okay.” - he says before they walk in – “We can take the same bus to the Academy and be there in like 20 minutes.”   
  
They enter a small living room with vintage furniture and a very young receptionist. Kyungsoo takes three steps and stops mid-way, Jongin spots his eyes getting bigger. The smaller turns around and starts exiting the place.   
  
“What happened?” – Jongin asks with a low voice as he follows him. The other doesn’t say anything; he walks slowly with his head low and glancing to the streets with worry.  
  
“We didn’t think this through.” – Kyungsoo answers once they are a few blocks away from the hotel.   
  
“What do you mean?”   
  
“Do you really think they are going to rent a room to a pair of teenagers?” – he looks up to Jongin and his eyes are wide. Kyungsoo purses his lips and leans on a wall close by.  
  
“But...” – Jongin begins as he takes his wallet out – “-tell me you didn’t leave the fake ID Sehun got us for Jongdae’s birthday.”   
  
Kyungsoo snaps his head and quickly looks for something inside his bag pack, seconds pass until he takes a small piece of plastic out.   
  
“I still don’t know.” – he says – “Do I really look 21?”  
  
Jongin frowns and takes a look at his friend, his small shoulders haven’t changed much and only make him look younger, he wears clothes that look like pajamas and only make him look slimmer, his baseball hat could cover part of his face but that would only make him look suspicious.  
  
“Just make sure to not wear your glasses.” – Jongin says as he walks back to the hotel – “Those definitely make you look 13.”   
  
  
Jongin lays face up, hands intertwined over his belly as he hears Kyungsoo’s soft breathing next to him on the bed. He lights his phone to check the time and indeed, it has been 4 hours since they went to bed, after catching dinner by a cheap meat place and washing off. He hoped he could fall asleep quickly once Kyungsoo removed his dark cotton pants – since he has always slept in his underwear and white t shirt –but he found nothing but sleep. He moves from side to side carefully, hoping not to wake up the other, but each position just makes him feel more uncomfortable.   
  
When he’s too nervous to stay still and the clock hits 2:00 am, he plugs his earphones and practices quietly in the almost pocket sized bathroom, he tries not to knock the miniature shampoo bottles as he spins twice in a row and manages to land perfectly parallel to the mirror. He smiles to his reflection and goes to bed once again.   
  
“Are you okay?” – Kyungsoo speaks with a yawn, his face covered by part of his blanket.  
  
Jongin nods and forgets everything is pitch black, just when the curtains move, a little light gets in, but there’s not much wind. He turns facing the wall and hopes darkness invades his mind – he wants to stop the stream of thoughts he has, he wants to stop the tick in his toes, he wants to stop the burning in his neck and fall asleep. Nothing. He turns around again, facing Kyungsoo, and repeats a mantra of simples ‘sleep’. Jongin tries taking a deep breath when he feels a warm touch in his forearm. He opens his eyes and thinks he can difference Kyungsoo’s big eyes in the dark, he breathes in fully and lets it out, he swallows and moves his hand to touch Kyungsoo’s arm. He closes his eyes and stays still for a while.  
  
He wakes up and the room is bright.   
  
  
They stand in a wide square, the building surrounding them looks expensive – just like the floor, the sculptures and everything nearby - the differences in colors are short, just a pallet of greys, blues and whites accommodate in the facades, proving the modernity of its architecture. The grass around them shines in green, perfectly cut and watered; Jongin feels like he shouldn’t touch a single thing there.   
  
It’s a little after 7:20 and the Universal Ballet School of Seoul is full of people, he can spot full families and other characters by themselves - some look younger and some look older – they are all intimidating in his eyes. Kyungsoo observes quietly the surroundings, checking on Jongin every few minutes – the latter didn’t have breakfast, feeling nauseas since the moment he got up, he just brushed his teeth and took an almost incinerating shower.   
  
“I saw a café by the entrance, you should really eat something.” – the smaller suggests. Jongin shakes his head with a little smile on his face. He still feels like throwing up. He glances at his wrist watch constantly, feeling the minutes going by painfully slow.  
  
Kyungsoo stays quiet; they sit on a marble bench, it feels cold on their thighs but they don’t say anything – they simply wait for someone to call the dancers. Jongin bites his bottom lip repeatedly, he feels his chest get tighter with every breath he takes, he avoids looking at anybody in the eye. The taste of blood all of the sudden attacks his mouth.   
  
“What’s going on?” – Kyungsoo speaks, glancing up as Jongin takes a step forward.   
  
“I don’t-I- I don’t know.” – he stutters with a chuckle, returning to his sit next to Kyungsoo. He didn’t think what he was going to do, he got up without knowing. The other keeps his eyes on his face and it starts to be burdening for Jongin.   
  
The taller rests his head on his knees, feeling a bit more comfortable as his back stretches. _Just five minutes._ He inhales shortly, he can’t take a good deep breath, he feels waves of cold spreading through his chest and his palms keep sweating – this is the worst state he has been in years, and that only frightens him more.   
  
“Jongin.” – Kyungsoo calls, he snaps his head and looks at him, his face is pale and his eyes are bigger than Kyungsoo’s – “Breathe, okay. It’ll be fine, just stay focused and breathe.”   
  
Kyungsoo places his hand on the nape of Jongin’s neck, caressing his skin with warm and tender fingers. It feels nice and Jongin inhales a bit easier, just a tiny bit. It’s better than nothing.  
  
“Kyungsoo, I-“ – the taller begins with doubt – “Now that I’m here...I want to say thank you.”   
  
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow in confusion.   
  
“Thank you because I really wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” – he continues – “And this will sound so out of the blue but I realized something yesterday. I like dancing – I _love_ dancing, but I love you so much more. And to be honest I don’t care if I enter this school or not – I would give less of a shit if I knew that you don’t care, but I know you want this for me, and I’ll do everything I can to not let you down, okay?”  
  
Jongin has his hands wrapped around his friend’s tiny ones, they feel shaky and he’s a bit embarrassed about all the sweat. Kyungsoo sees him with wide eyes and a semi-opened mouth, he doesn’t move.   
  
“Can I get all applicants at the entrance of your assigned rooms, please?” – a tall man announces by the big doors a few meters away – “We will begin the tests in a couple of minutes.”   
  
Jongin shows him a smile without leaving his eyes as he shakes his hands off and stands up. A lot of people walk pass them and he’s about to walk to the door when Kyungsoo grabs his arm – he glances down.  
  
“I’ll come back.” – he says – “I’ll be here when you’re done.”   
  
Jongin nods with a shy smirk on his lips, he takes two steps and his legs are made of jelly - he keeps his head as high as he can – but something brushes his shoulder and he turns around.  
  
Kyungsoo is just centimeters away from him, he feels the heat coming from his nose as he breathes slowly, he can see every mole perfectly marked on his round and pale face. Jongin doesn’t know what to do. The shorter closes his eyes and gets closer, just ending the gap between the two in a second. They softly touch lips and Jongin forgets about the world for that short moment, he forgets there are people all around and he forgets he has an audition to go to, he just feels Kyungsoo’s puffy lips over his and he breathes deep into his scent.  
  
It’s good.  
  
“What was that?” – Jongin smirks into the other’s lips the moment they separate.  
  
“Good luck kiss.” – he speaks, stepping back a little – “You’ll do great.”   
  
“I-I’ll text you when-“– Jongin assures him as he fast walks to the door.  
  
“I know. I’ll be here.”   
  
  
The air is cold – Jongin thinks as he just follows the stream of people which names start with K. The floor is marble and he knows is freezing from the AC, the ceiling is so high above and all he wants is to try a grand jetté – he decides better not, it’d be ridiculous. He thinks is funny how just a few minutes ago he was almost having a panic attack, but now, he can’t feel a single thing. All the nervousness he had a few minutes ago have disappeared and the only picture that runs in his mind is a pair of puffy lips and round innocent eyes.  
  
In all the years they have met, all the opportunities they could have had, of all the times, Kyungsoo decided to kiss him right before his audition. He sighs and anxiety hits, he wants to be over this day already.  
  
Jongin is almost the last in a row of males, the door at the end of the hallway is shut, his hands are shaking. Time passes and he’s entering a doctor’s office, he changes clothes and the medical exam finishes with a blink.   
  
After a few minutes, Jongin stands in a wide room, the widest he has seen in all his life, it feels like a football field. A long mirror is in front of him, reflecting all the people around him. He snorts, feeling like a fish in the ocean, he doesn’t stand out, nobody stands out – he’s maybe one of the few with the darkest skin but apart from that, he’s dressed in the same tights and white tank top as everyone else. Nobody has said over three words to him since he entered the building and he feels is better that way, Jongin has been immerged in a fantasy since Kyungsoo and he kissed.   
  
“Everyone is first position, please” – a woman speaks nearby a classic piano, another man plays simple notes and they all move like a set of robots. Jongin tries to stop his smirk and focuses on his reflection – “One, two, three, one, two, three.”  
  
Jongin moves the way he knows, all the warming up exercises are children’s game for him so he does it with confidence. The high jumps come out great and he tries to keep a straight face when he notices all the professors nodding in his direction. Time flies and his stomach starts moving, he tries to focus on his moves and drinks as much water as possible. It was a bad idea to skip breakfast.   
  
His group divides by the time noon comes and a group of girls come in, they are all very thin and so beautiful. He has never seen girls like this, all perfectly styled from head to toe, no hairs out of place and he tries to be gentle with the petite girl he is paired up with.   
  
“What’s your name?” – she speaks quickly once they’re set by a practice bar.   
  
“Kim Jongin.” – he bows slightly and she mirrors him, extending her arm.  
  
“Kim Hyoyeon.” – she says, her black skirt swaying as she extends her leg over her head.     
  
They share small talk as they practice the five easy steps and the final lift they’re presenting – she moves perfectly with every compass and he feels nervous, not wanting to let another person down if he screws up. She assures he does well and she admits she has been wanting to throw up since the moment she woke up.  He chuckles and is cute how her nose shrinks when she smiles wide.  
  
The first part of his test is perfect – Jongin could be more excited if he wasn’t passing out from hunger. Hyoyeon waves excitedly at him as she exits the huge rehearsing room. He plays with his phone once he has bought a sandwich, biting almost desperately into it – the device in his hand buzzes a few seconds later.   
  
“How is it going?” – a thick voice he didn’t know he was longing to hear speaks – “Is it good? You’ve been doing well, right?”   
  
“It’s okay, Kyung.” – he answers with a chuckle – “I did perfectly.”   
  
Kyungsoo laughs and sighs immediately.  
  
“You just have the dance number left?”   
  
“Yeah. I don’t know if I’ll do it right away but I’ll let you know when I’m-“  
  
“I know. I’ll be there.”   
  
“Listen, about the kiss, is that-“   
  
“Let’s not talk about that now.”  
  
“But-“  
  
“Just focus on your dance, okay?” – Kyungsoo assures – “I’ll see you later.”   
  
And he hangs up. Jongin sighs with a smirk on his face.

 

-

 

It's mid-afternoon and Jongin has been sitting on the same bench waiting for his audition to start. He has seen many people come and go, he has seen tears and laughter and he keeps himself thinking about Kyungsoo – the person that has him calmed and anxious at the same time, as ridiculous as it sounds. They have been texting and Jongin doesn’t want to leave his fantasy there, he wants to keep that air and that warm feeling inside his chest – he’s scared that the moment he leaves those doors and faces Kyungsoo, it’ll all crumble down. He’s so confused.  
  
Since when did he feel like this? Since when he has been so blind he couldn’t tell the difference between liking Kyungsoo as a friend and loving him as something more? He finds comfort in thinking he has never loved someone like that – he has great love for his mother, father and sister – but this can’t be compared to that.   
  
Jongin says a prayer for the twentieth time once a lady calls his name and it takes him five seconds to manage and get up.   
  
“Kim Jongin?” – a man in the middle of a long table calls him. He is focused on a piece of paper and he passes it along the other people in there. The room is white, nothing is dark colored, the floor is white, the walls are white, the furniture is white. He feels small.   
  
Jongin responds to the man with a bow and waits; he waits for an order or for his music to start. There are a total of six individuals in front of him, all focused on anything but his presence, they all look kind of rude, but he can’t let himself think about that.   
  
“You sent us a very curious letter...” – a woman speaks from the edge of the table, big glasses covering half her face – “Your enthusiasm...made me curious about your performance and development in ballet.” – she has a very lazy tone in her voice, as if she’s bored about being there. She keeps glancing up and down Jongin’s presence and her nails play with an envelope – “You said here...you’ve loved dancing since you were very young but only started practicing at the age of 11. I’m not saying is a late start but...why did it take you long to start taking lessons?”   
  
Jongin freezes. _Since when a dance audition requires an interview as well?_  
  
“My family...” – he starts and tries not to stutter the answer – “Was going through a tough time when I was little, we didn’t have the incomes.”   
  
He thinks is a good enough answer and he waits, trying to keep a straight face and a good posture. All the judges are quiet, playing with many papers that Jongin recognizes as his admission forms.  
  
“Your tutor sent us a letter as well...” – another woman speaks, she has orange hair that is fading away – “...saying you were very perseverant and that your true character comes out once you’re dancing. Why do you think she says that?”   
  
Jongin blinks and thinks. His mind is blank. _How am I supposed to know why she said that?!_  
  
“I don’t know.” – he says – “I’m usually a little serious and shy when I’m around people, maybe that’s what she meant.”

They look unimpressed and Jongin curses himself. _Couldn’t Junmyeon be the one doing this stupid interview for me?_

“She also tells us you choreographed the routine we are about to see, is that so?”   
  
Jongin nods with a shy smile – “Yes, but I had help.”   
  
“You’ll be graduating next year?” – a man practically interrupts. Jongin nods quickly and his heart pounds. _What if they ask for my dad?_  
  
“Alright. You can start.” – the same man points to a lady so she can start Jongin’s music.   
  
An energetic melody starts, a strong woman’s voice sings and he lets himself go, he forgets he’s far away from home, he forgets these people in front of him are judging his every move and he imagines he’s in his tiny room, he lets electricity fill his body, from his toes to the tips of his fingers. He imagines himself performing to his father, knocking his frown with one of his high jumps, he imagines himself spinning in front of his mother and how much she could smile to him if she was alive to support him. He jumps and lets his legs stretch as much as he can, he lets all emotions coming from the song fill his chest and he gets in full into character.   
  
Jongin – with a little help from his dance instructor and a senior named Taemin – choreographed the dance; he created a story, a plot, a character, something that would definitely get the judges attention; is not like he ever wants to be a screenplay writer, but he creates a story about a boy, a boy that is trapped and chained; a boy that gets beaten and tortured, a boy that loses hope and is on the edge of madness, but then he discovers music, he discovers music and sees light, he discovers music and let’s himself go of the chains, he hears music and his world is no longer dark chambers and cold ground. Jongin sees nothing clear as he spins rapidly three times on his right foot and settles perfectly in front of everyone.   
  
The room is silent, Jongin heavy breaths and the seconds dread much longer than he wants to - he taps his foot, all eyes go to the table and the judges’ act like nothing just happened.   
  
Frustration is an understatement.   
  
“Thank you, Kim Jongin.” – the man in the middle speaks – “We will be contacting you in a few weeks.”   
  
Jongin bows the lowest he can; he takes his belongings while biting hard on his bottom lip. Is not like he expected the claps Kyungsoo and his dance instructor gave him, is not like he wanted the thousands of back rubs Taemin offered. A mere sign of recognition would have been perfect. He sighs a “fuck all of you” as he walks out the big glass doors to an almost deserted courtyard.   
  
“How did it go?” – Jongin is surprised by a tap on his shoulder – “What did they say?”  
  
The taller sighs loudly, a smile perking on his lips and he wraps an arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders.   
  
“Don’t ignore me, Jongin.” – he says as he lets himself be led to the street, walking over the green grass they are really not supposed to step on – “How did it go? How long will it take for them to give you an answer?”   
  
“I don’t know, Kyung.” – he sighs deep, his chest finally letting him fill his lungs – “Weeks probably...”   
  
Kyungsoo stops and looks deep into Jongin’s eyes. The situation could turn very awkward for both of them, but Jongin is decided to not let that happen. Kyungsoo’s big eyes blink twice before he gives Jongin a little snort and decides to keep walking.  
“What do you want to do now?” – the older boy asks as he grabs the hanging hand over his shoulder.   
  
Jongin and Kyungsoo spend the rest of the afternoon sightseeing, they laugh and run in the big sidewalks, showered by the sun and judged by the grown-ups in suits. Jongin cannot care less. He forgets he has a house in a little town down south, he forgets the humidity smell coming from the entire place; he even forgets they have to be in school. They were supposed to head home that day, is Monday and their parents must think is weird that they have to spend yet another night at each other’s house. They cannot care less.   
  
“The night time here is amazing…” – Kyungsoo affirms as they walk touching arms, millions of people moving in the heart of Seoul – “I’ve only come with my parents though-“ – the boy says with a shy smile – “but there’s this street that has a ton of food trucks…”   
  
He continues talking and Jongin smirks; they have avoided the kiss topic the entire day. Jongin hasn’t wanted to bring it up and either has Kyungsoo, is not that they don’t ever want to address it but they definitely don’t want to ruin the mood.   
  
The night sky brings a cold breeze with it that Kyungsoo thanks when he rolls his sweater sleeves down, but that has Jongin shivering a little bit. The boys settle on a plastic table, they feel kind of invisible, surrounded by hundreds of strangers but still inside their little bubble, slurping noodles and veggies from the big bowls in front of them. Kyungsoo laughs the hardest that night, each time Jongin tells a really bad joke and each time they remember some old embarrassing story. Jongin feels happy each time that happens; because he gets to see his friend’s eyes turn into the prettiest half moons he has seen.   
  
The walk to the hotel is full with giggles and playful pushes – if Jongin had more experience in the dating field, he would say Kyungsoo was being flirty, thought that automatically made him laugh. The lobby is in silence, the receptionist is behind a computer screen, hand infinitely scrolling through some website, she hands them their room card and quickly ignores their presence once again.   
  
“You know that lady in the ATM was definitely checking you out, right?” – Kyungsoo says as he introduces the card in the door handle of their shared hotel room.  
  
“She was not! It was probably the hole in my pants” – Jongin points – “She was like 25 or maybe 30, how could she not tell I’m 17?”   
  
“Your age has nothing to do with that, she was checking you out.”   
  
“I have a huge hole in my pants, Kyungsoo, a lot of people were staring at it”   
  
“Hole that is incidentally nowhere near your butt” – the smaller says as he places his belongings in the small coffee table – “and that is exactly what she was staring”   
  
Jongin snickers and is probably all the glucose and calories he had that night, but he doesn’t care to say:   
  
“Were you jealous or something?” – it was stupid. Kyungsoo stops midway to the bathroom and turns to stare at Jongin’s face.   
  
“What?” – is all that leaves his mouth.   
  
“I’m kidding” – Jongin says in a giggle. He was not.   
  
_Coward._  
  
  
  
Kyungsoo’s phone lights up the whole room when he goes to read the time. It’s 11:38 pm and both share the bed once again. Kyungsoo has a white shirt and only boxers; Jongin is wearing pajama pants and no shirt. Neither of them was sleeping.   
  
“Jongin” – Kyungsoo whispers, he’s not very sure he said it loud enough. The other boy hums his response and it takes a few seconds for the older to mouth what he wants to say – “A-about what happened today…”   
  
Jongin snaps his eyes open and gets more and more nervous as his heart beats faster.   
  
“I kissed you…” – the older begins, playing with the border of the bed cover – “…and you let me kiss you… that can only mean something, right? I’m not imagining it”   
  
“I-  
  
“Let me-“ – Kyungsoo interrupts and sighs – “I’ve thought about it the whole day, and I’m positive you have too. But what you said and what I did and how you responded can only mean something, Jongina”   
  
“I said I love you” – Jongin spits, running a hand through his belly.  
  
“And I kissed you…without an explanation, and you let me which is-” – Kyungsoo fires back.   
“Kyung-“ – the younger interrupts this time – “…the only thing that should be a puzzle is how it took so much time for us to realize it and do it.”  
  
Silence.  
  
Jongin sighs.  
  
“I mean…you like me like that, right?” – the younger asks, panic slowly rising. Kyungsoo giggles and reaches for Jongin’s hand, sits next to him on the bed and the other quickly imitates his move. They’re face to face.  
  
Kyungsoo caresses the skin in Jongin’s forearm, a white stripe marks his friend’s face – light beaming through the curtains from the still busy streets lets him appreciate Jongin’s face – the younger has some hair falling on his eyes, which have a little tingle that he has never quite seen before. Kyungsoo’s heart races when he spots Jongin’s mouth, showing a little smirk.   
  
Jongin is nervous but he enjoys it, his heart is about to rip his chest open but he can take this over anything. Kyungsoo intertwines their fingers and moves quickly to be closer to Jongin – the latter smells his perfume but he can’t think for long about that, because Kyungsoo’s lips are over his in a matter of seconds. The older moves slow and separates at times to stare at Jongin’s face – they feel embarrassed, they adjust and try to take in everything – what is like to kiss your best friend. Jongin closes the gap and deepens the kiss; he places his free hand on Kyungsoo’s neck and slightly pushes him back to the bed, cascading his fingers as if his friend’s torso was a piano, feeling his body – thin and soft.   
  
Kyungsoo let’s go of Jongin’s hand and places it on the small of his naked back – it feels warm and Jongin is unfocused, the younger trails small kisses along Kyungsoo’s jaw and neck and he can’t believe all of this is happening with him. Kyungsoo opens his legs at the same time he lets out a moan - Jongin had no idea his weak spot was his neck. Without really thinking about it, the younger pushes his hips and Kyungsoo repeats that sound, feeling tingly from his stomach down, feeling his erection grow by each touch Jongin leaves on his body.   
  
Kyungsoo gets up and changes places with Jongin, which takes him by surprise. His pajamas pants can’t hide the big bump between his legs – Kyungsoo giggles and starts kissing the younger once again, placing his hands by his belly - nearby his hip bones – and softly caressing his skin.  
  
“I’ve wanted you for a really long time, Jongin” – the older says, interrupting each word with a wet kiss, his thick and raspy voice has Jongin going crazy, taking it out with Kyungsoo’s soft dark hair.   
  
“Why didn’t you-?” – he replies.   
  
“No idea” – Kyungsoo states, not able to formulate anything else. Jongin reaches to kiss him deeper, darting his tongue in, feeling the warmth inside his friend’s mouth. Kyungsoo moans once again and separates their lips, trailing wet kisses down Jongin’s throat, stopping by his chest and then continuing close to the hem of his pants.   
  
“Kyung- what are you-“ – Jongin supports himself on his elbows when the words come out on its own, his mouth is dry. Kyungsoo looks up and can’t really distinguish Jongin’s face anymore. He considers turning on the lights, but he has really no strength for that. He keeps kissing along Jongin’s hips and decides to take the step and remove his partner’s pants; he feels his hesitation but finally takes them off by himself. Jongin is naked when he crawls to take Kyungsoo’s t shirt off.   
  
Exposure is an understatement. Jongin feels each fiber of his skin is screaming, he shivers slightly when he realizes his erection is in full bloom, it cannot be hidden and it sends little short circuits with every move he makes. Kyungsoo supports on his knees when he wraps his hands around Jongin’s neck, kissing him passionately, hard and wet once again. Jongin doesn’t know what to do with his hands; it feels a bit too desperate to start stroking his own dick when he remembers that Kyungsoo still has his boxers on.   
  
The younger pushes Kyungsoo back on the bed and lays on top of him, purposely caressing his dick over Kyungsoo’s – the latter moans and pulls on Jongin’s hair, introducing his tongue back in his mouth with a kiss.   
  
“Do that again, please” – Kyungsoo’s voice is hoarse. The younger takes a moment and repeats his move, he repeats it over and over while his lips feel hotter by the second, they burn – Jongin has lost count of the times Kyungsoo has moaned, he can’t even tell he’s moaning even harder than him. Kyungsoo runs his hands down Jongin’s sweaty back, practically digging his nails; he finally lands a hand on Jongin’s butt cheek, squeezing it – the older snickers.   
  
“Don’t laugh” – Jongin says – “You’re going to make me feel dumb”   
  
“Don’t-“ – Kyungsoo responds quickly, looking straight to his eyes – “Don’t be…I just... I can’t believe I just grabbed your ass like that”   
Jongin playfully rolls his eyes and kisses Kyungsoo’s neck, sucking close by his jaw, leaving a mark, even though he didn’t know he would cause that. He delicately runs his left hand down Kyungsoo’s body, he’s cold and his skin is sensitive, feeling him shiver when Jongin reaches the hem of his boxers. He gets up on his knees and slowly pulls it down, realizing Kyungsoo is only left with his socks on.   
  
Jongin giggles.   
  
“Why are you laughing?” – Kyungsoo sounds half annoyed and half playful.   
  
“Nothing.” – Jongin states and launches for another kiss, he comes closer and closer to his best friend, getting chest to chest and finally having skin to skin. Everything from his waist down is hotter than ever, he rolls his hips, goes up and down, getting closer to climax as Kyungsoo kisses softly his already swollen lips.   
  
The younger supports himself on his left arm, staring deep into Kyungsoo’s eyes as their breaths echo in the hotel room; Jongin wonders in between their bodies and grabs both their members with one hand – Kyungsoo clenches his fists around the bed sheet and closes his eyes. Jongin strokes softly once, letting themselves take in everything - Kyungsoo thinks he’s going crazy when Jongin doesn’t move his hand for a moment, he opens his eyes and tries to take a look at his friend – sweat droplets are scattered on his forehead, his hair is even more wet by now, and he looks concentrated, he loves this look on him. Jongin strokes once again, this time harder, moans grow louder each second, as Jongin speeds up the pace – Kyungsoo reaches to place a sloppy kiss on Jongin’s lips, he fists his hair and pushes his hips, trying to improve everything he’s feeling.    
  
“Go faster” – Kyungsoo cries, resting forehead to forehead, getting close to finishing when Jongin groans underneath his breath. He reaches for Kyungsoo’s lips when butterflies escape his belly, when he feels his dick getting close to burn, when he thinks he can set themselves on fire, when he feels liquid splashing on his stomach. Kyungsoo releases the last moan, quite and soft, two seconds after that.   
  
_Breathe. Breathe. Breathe._ Jongin has to repeat to himself.   
  
Tired breaths now fill the room, Kyungsoo lets go of the bed sheet and gently wipes Jongin’s sweaty forehead, placing slow kisses along his right cheek and lips. Jongin smiles and crumbles down next to Kyungsoo – his left arm shaking and tingling.   
  
“I’m not imagining it, huh?” – Kyungsoo says, finding Jongin’s fingers close to his. Jongin snorts, blinking lazily, staring into nothing, still little white dots mocking his sight – “I’ll go get some tissues”


	3. 3

“Have you guys seen Jongin?” – two weeks later, Kyungsoo walks in the classroom. He has checked Jongin wasn’t at the basket course, the library or the cafeteria. Chanyeol, Baekhyun and Jongdae are playing cards in one desk, the teacher is absent.   
  
“I haven’t” – Jongdae says and the other two shake their heads, they keep playing and Kyungsoo sits by a side. He takes his phone in hands and ponders texting him or not.

Jongin was supposed to receive a letter from the Ballet School that afternoon.   
  
“I don’t think I saw him at recess.” – Baekhyun says and takes a card out with an exaggerated movement – “Do you need something?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head and joins them in the game.   
  
  
  
Jongin sits quietly in his bedroom. The house looks empty, no sounds are made. He’s supposed to be in school, he has his uniform on, tie loosely falling in his chest and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. His hands tingle while playing with the edges of the envelope that reads his house address and his name – a big crest stares at him on the left corner: Universal Ballet School-Seoul. _You’re too coward to open it, huh._ He closes his eyes and tries to focus his mind on nothing, the sweet and easy waves of blankness as his chest goes up and down, almost in an exaggerated manner. This was a quick exercises his second ballet instructor taught him that time he was too stressed because he couldn’t get the perfect pirouette – he was lonely because Kyungsoo was out of town with his family, physics and chemistry were hard, and his father still refused to cross more than five words with him.   
  
Jongin opens his eyes after what appears too long, white and shiny spots are coming from his sides, his head is numb. The letter is still between his hands and he can’t open it. He’s about to grab his bag pack and go to school again – with hopes of catching Kyungsoo – when he hears knocking on his front door.  
  
Kyungsoo is waiting in the porch, his shirt is wrinkled and he doesn’t have his tie on - Jongin can now breathe a little bit easier, he gives his best friend a soft smile and the other opens his eyes wider.  
  
“Did you get it?” – he asks, showing the palm of his hands. Jongin nods and moves so Kyungsoo can come inside – “And?”  
  
Kyungsoo’s voice shakes with that last word as he walks three steps inside the living room. The light is poor and he can barely take Jongin’s face in. He has no idea what is going on.  
  
“I haven’t opened it.” – Jongin takes a hand from behind his back and shows Kyungsoo the pale envelope still sealed.   
  
“Why not, dumbass?”  
  
“I’m too scared, okay?” – Jongin raises his voice as he drops himself in the brown couch – “I tried but damn!”   
  
Kyungsoo nods slowly and sits in the coffee table in front of Jongin; the latter has his eyes fixated on the letter. His heart beats furiously inside his chest and his palms are sweaty. With shaky hands he moves his fingers to open it, careful not to rip the piece of paper inside.   
  
“I-“ – Jongin stutters – “I’ll…I’ll be right back”   
  
Kyungsoo watches as his best friend – and now boyfriend – moves slowly from the couch to the little wardrobe next to the living room, enters and closes the door behind him. Minutes pass, he’s alone in the little living area that smells like humidity; the wall clock ticks and ticks, he has always thought it’s annoying as hell. He can’t hear Jongin inside the closet.   
  
Minutes keep passing and the clock mocks him, ticking and ticking, Jongin doesn’t come out.  
  
Kyungsoo gets up and walks to it, he opens the door and Jongin is sitting in a corner, looking petrified, like he just woke up from a nightmare.   
  
“I got in” – he says quietly while looking at Kyungsoo, big orbs pointing to him, the letter wrinkled in between his hands.

Kyungsoo has never smiled harder in his life.   
  
-  
  
Autumn greets Jongin with grey skies and pretty leaves that paint his porch red and orange, winter comes in with white dust spraying his sun kissed skin. Septembre, October, November and December, fluffy knitted clothes, hot chocolate, slide races, Holidays and New Years – everything goes by with a blink, maybe because he hasn’t been so happy in a long time, maybe because he didn’t even know how true happiness felt like – January wakes him up with freezing toes, accumulated homework and as always these past months, soft lips that touch his each day.   
  
Kyungsoo and he have been inseparable since that night in a foreign hotel room; they don’t really talk about it, but is not necessary. Everything has been the same as before, just add those things friends are not allowed to do – but couples are. They can easily spend eighteen hours a day together – he wishes they could spend all twenty four all the time. Each week they have a “sleepover”, and incidentally, neither of their parents suspects a thing – not even when Jongin stays for dinner and he can’t take his eyes off of Kyungsoo, not even when Kyungsoo forgets he’s not supposed to sit on a friend’s lap, not even when they sleep cuddled up every weekend.   
  
Maybe they are too naïve.   
  
Sleepovers completely changed its meaning, though; from long afternoons filled with warm kisses and intertwined fingers, to endless awoken nights where moans are muffled under the covers – Jongin teases Kyungsoo’s lips with his own, by October he knows it drives him to madness, Kyungsoo likes to caress Jongin’s belly, because he knows he’s extra sensitive between his hip bones. Jongin will never forget November 3rd, when he gets to experiment each part of Kyungsoo’s body once again but this time, he finally gets what loving someone means.  
  
“Hey…since when don’t you play the piano?” – Jongin points once they are inside Kyungsoo’s wide and quiet living room that day, nobody appears to be at home, they have just had dinner on a local ramen shop. Kyungsoo looks oblivious as he turns his face to check to the west wall, where a wooden piano rests closed, a few pictures stand on top.   
  
“I don’t know…” – he starts saying – “I practice maybe, once every few months, but I guess I’ve lost interest…” – he declares while shrugging. Jongin frowns, his memory waves back to a thirteen year old Kyungsoo, a kind of chubby kid with big glasses practices after school, Jongin studies for his biology test next to him…it feels warm.   
  
“Can you play something real quick?” – Jongin asks, releasing his stuff on the couch. Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Jongin…”   
  
“Come on, just one little thing… I haven’t seen you play in years” – Jongin practically begs, after all the times Kyungsoo pushed him to dance, he feels a bit betrayed.   
  
“Fine.” – the older sighs, dragging his feet until he reaches the piano – “I don’t play as I used to, Jongin…or maybe I do, that’s the thing, I never improved.” – the smaller male says while getting shy, sitting on the dark stool, opening a little book that was already in there.   
  
His slim fingers dance on top of two, four, and then six keys. Jongin’s heart takes a jump as he recognizes the melody…his memory trails back years, to a clinic, where he clearly sees and hears his mother hum those same notes. He watches carefully as his boyfriend continues playing, slowly and delicately, maybe afraid of screwing the song up…he is mesmerized. Is not that he feels sad or melancholic, is not that he is in pain anymore – more like the opposite, he is contented. Like that time on the train for their trip to Seoul, or each afternoon they had walked from school to his dance academy - he revives how Kyungsoo has made him feel since the day they met, how Kyungsoo always makes him feel.   
  
After maybe a minute, the older picks up the pace in the song, has his hands moving up and down the piano, the sound is like a cascade – Jongin is smiling by now, his eyes trail from his fingers to his eyes, from his wrists to his lips – his heart and his stomach are playing with him, making him feel nauseous and in the clouds, all at the same time. Kyungsoo messes up once, making him blink, smirk and stop on his tracks.   
  
“See?” – he deadpans – “I’m really rusty”   
  
Jongin takes Kyungsoo’s right hand and rushes to his room, tripping with all the furniture they can find on their way. The kisses start mid hallway, Jongin pulls on Kyungsoo’s collar, lusting for his skin even before they have pushed the door to his room open. The blinds are closed, sunlight barely illuminates the space, his bed covers are set neat, they crumble down on top of them. They envelope their lips, filling each other with their tongues, you can hear them moan softly after a few seconds, Jongin trails his hands to remove Kyungsoo’s shirt, he does the same.    
  
Jongin is decided to take things slow once he sees Kyungsoo’s bare chest - is not the first time he has seen it, but he always automatically thinks on a Hershey’s bar when his moles display in front of him – he takes his time to start from his neck, dropping pecks on each birth mark he spots, caressing every inch of Kyungsoo’s flesh. The older plays with Jongin’s smooth brown hair, looking down how he works his mouth close to his bellybutton – the younger struggles while unbuckling the other’s pants, Kyungsoo just giggles.   
  
Jongin plants kisses dangerously close to Kyungsoo’s hard on, almost transparent through his underwear – already dirty with his precum. The younger gets on his knees, comfortably ready to remove his boyfriends grey boxers, Kyungsoo just contemplates him, running shaky fingers through his hair. Jongin wets his lips once he has a clear view of what he’s about to do, takes a hand to envelope Kyungsoo’s dick, caressing his skin once or twice before taking it inside his mouth, the older snaps his head back, releasing a loud moan he didn’t know he had been holding.   
  
Jongin teases the tip, because he believes that’s what feels good – to be honest he has no idea of what he’s doing, but by Kyungsoo’s response, he continues. He teases for a while, having his own member ache, hearing his boyfriend’s groaning and moaning increase by the second; he speeds up, getting Kyungsoo’s dick deeper in his mouth, tasting him, exactly as he looks up and finds the other’s eyes on him. Kyungsoo’s body vibrates after a few seconds and Jongin simply knows.   
“I’m about to-“ – the older says with closed eyes, his lips tremble once Jongin releases him and gets up, plating a soft kiss on his mouth. Kyungsoo groans as his dick throbs when Jongin comes close to him, resting his hands on his neck – the taller leads him to the bed, feeling soft fabric behind his back as he watches Jongin remove his pants and underwear, Kyungsoo smirks while he plays with himself.   
  
The air is chilly and they should have considered turning on the heat, but it just maximizes everything. Jongin crawls to the center of the bed and kisses Kyungsoo’s neck, the latter wrapping him with his arms – Jongin says nothing more than “I love you’s” to Kyungsoo, his whispers send electricity down his spine; the smaller male knees and gains dominance, pushing through his lips and tongue, fisting his member as he leans on top of him on the pillows – Jongin moans with every stroke, Kyungsoo smirks and lets go.   
  
“I’m trying to be romantic, Kyung, don’t tease like that” – the older giggles and shrugs, leaning to give a soft kiss to his boyfriend as he runs a finger by the middle of his torso, feeling his defined stomach, clenched and hard by the position he’s in. They share lips and time seems to stop, it’s a lie to say they hear anything outside those four walls; they don’t even pay attention to the falling sun, casting a beautiful pinkish light inside the room.   
  
“Touch me” – Kyungsoo commands, his whisper making Jongin’s dick throb and swallow thick. He corresponds by placing each hand on the other’s waist, picking him up and gently laying him down near the pillows. His hair is messy and his lips are puffier than usual, Jongin loves it – he delicately opens Kyungsoo’s legs to find his position in the middle, he rests on his knees and leaves an invisible path on the other’s pale skin – he travels his eyes around Kyungsoo’s body, feeling his chest lighter and lighter with each glance. He can’t tell Kyungsoo has a gentle smile on his face at the same time he caresses Jongin’s forearms – time passes, rain starts to fall, wind makes branches slowly swing back and forth.   
  
Jongin smiles back at Kyungsoo when their eyes meet; the other blushes and stares at the ceiling.   
  
“Kyung, I want to…” – Jongin moves forward to whisper on his boyfriend’s ear, pecking his neck in the middle of the sentence – “I want to be inside of you”   
  
He believes he hears Kyungsoo swallow.   
  
Kyungsoo opens more space for Jongin to devour his neck, he arches his back to feel Jongin’s member next to his, he thinks that’s a good enough answer. Jongin rolls his hips slowly and Kyungsoo groans, he loves that sound more than anything.   
  
“I need my bag” – the younger states, detaching from his boyfriend for just a second.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“I have lube there-”  
  
“I have everything here…let me just-“ – Kyungsoo gets up and speed walks to his bathroom, coming back not after 10 seconds, with a black bottle and three little plastic squares in his hands.   
  
Jongin swallows again, _this is happening._  
  
They like spending nights together, they like kissing and touching, they like teasing and playing with each other – but in the three months they have shared everything, they have never actually had sex. Is not that they haven’t wanted it, is more of a “they don’t need it”, not yet at least.   
  
“Lay down” – Jongin tells him, taking the objects in his hands and placing them on the bed. Kyungsoo is nervous, he can’t hide it, so Jongin tries to look as if he really knows what he’s doing. The older rests in the stack of pillows, not really sure of what to do with his hands, so he places them over his chest; the other opens Kyungsoo’s legs once again, caressing the inside of his thighs. The older closes his eyes and gets himself being carried away, having his dick rise and touch his belly. Jongin doesn’t want to be rough or quick, so he takes his time stroking Kyungsoo’s member, slowly reaching down his ass – Kyungsoo trembles.  
  
Moan after moan, Jongin preps Kyungsoo, he delicately wets his fingers on his boyfriend’s mouth per request; focused, he exchanges kisses and touches. Kyungsoo’s face shows the prettiest blush, he bites so hard on his bottom lip when Jongin teases his hole with his tongue for the first time, crying for his name once he has licked it six times in a row.  
  
“Jongin-please-just-“ – each word is cut down, his throat clenches and unclenches, he feels drops of sweat form on his forehead, even though is probably under 13° outside – “Oh god, Jongin”   
  
Having clear view of his boyfriend’s wide back isn’t helping at all, aching to reach down and touch his body as well.   
  
“Please, Jongin” – he cries once again, grabbing a handful of his hair – “do it”   
  
Jongin smirks while he licks his lips, he gets up and grabs the bottle, his hands are shaking. He lets a transparent liquid run through his index finger, and takes a look at Kyungsoo, damped messy hair decorating his features, red cheeks and abused lips, his eyes are wide as always. He rushes for a kiss right before he introduces a finger, the slowest he can, the softest he can, Kyungsoo groans while squeezing his eyes shut – Jongin waits for another signal but his partner remains still, eyes closed, his nails push through a bed sheet that has been wet for a while now.   
  
“Is it okay?” – Jongin asks with caution; he doesn’t move his hand nor does he try to insert another finger just yet. Kyungsoo nods, his head pushed back, he doesn’t move anymore than that.   
  
Jongin turns his wrist just a little bit, inspecting a warm inside he never dreamt he could reach, he pulls out slightly, letting Kyungsoo adjust to everything he’s feeling; minutes pass and Jongin gets more lube around Kyungsoo’s pink hole, he introduces a second finger and the sound of Kyungsoo’s groans fill the room, he smirks and twists his wrist – more groans come.  
  
“Jong.In” – Kyungsoo’s mouth is semi opened and his eyes are closed, his belly is clenched, his ass cheeks are tensed up. Jongin pulls out and repeats everything, this time introducing three fingers and speeding the motion. Kyungsoo shakes and cries for Jongin’s name, having white knuckles because of how hard he holds onto the bed sheets - “Do it, for fuck’s sake”    
  
The younger releases his hand, reaching for a condom, never separating himself from Kyungsoo. He rips the little package open with his mouth, placing it quickly over his member while the other strokes himself.   
  
“I’m going to-“ – Jongin says as he opens his legs, supporting on his knees and holding Kyungsoo’s waist above the mattress, placing himself right outside of Kyungsoo’s entrance, he counts to three and feels the most satisfying pressure around his cock, it sends hot waves to his belly, his ears are about to burn. Kyungsoo moans on the low, his eyes still closed, Jongin comes close to kiss him, resting hands on each side of his face – Kyungsoo returns the kiss lazily. Jongin thrust his hips then, and everything is ten times better, Kyungsoo groans and opens his legs even farther, Jongin is deep inside of him, their chests just millimeters apart – the older lets go of the bed sheets and intertwines his fingers behind Jongin’s neck.   
  
“Kyung, look at me” – Jongin’s breath interrupts, Kyungsoo takes a moment to open his eyes, big circles pierce Jongin’s soul, having his chest take a jump as he thrust once again – “I love you”   
  
Kyungsoo smirks and rolls his hips; he pulls Jongin to share tongues, biting on his bottom lip. Jongin thrusts again and again, he speeds up, Kyungsoo moans louder and louder, the bed starts crashing with the wall, their breaths intensify.   
  
“Deeper” – Kyungsoo begs and pushes his hips up, making it very easy to Jongin to touch _that_ spot. Kyungsoo groans loudly, his face showing complete pleasure. The bed is creaking with each thrust Jongin gives; they don’t pay attention to it, though.   
  
The younger kisses Kyungsoo’s exposed neck, crazily leaving teeth marks as his thrusts get harder – the older gives a groan to each thrust, he accompanies each move with one of his own, he kisses back Jongin’s forehead once he looks down to grab Kyungsoo’s dick with his hand, stroking it fast and hard.   
  
“Shit” – he mutters and holds tight on the back of his neck, Jongin pushes harder and quicker, getting closer to an orgasm, he feels Kyungsoo’s walls tightening, he feels an explosion coming, he thrust so quickly he only hears the bed hitting the wall over and over – “Jongin…”   
  
Kyungsoo calls for his name and he looks at him, releasing white liquid as their eyes meet, he strokes three times and Kyungsoo comes stuttering his name once again, eyes closed and cheeks flushing.  
  
They breathe deeply and steadily, Jongin takes out his dick, Kyungsoo stays still, staring at the ceiling, caressing the skin around Jongin’s biceps.   
  
“Jongin…” – he says with a bit of a hoarse voice – “…look at me”  
  
The younger supports on his knees, even though his legs feel like jelly, shaky and weak – like he just practiced his brisé for 6 hours straight. Kyungsoo looks at him and smiles, warm and innocent.  
  
“I love you more”

 

-

 

**_From: UBS – SEOUL_ **   
**_To: Kim Jong In._ **   
  
**_“Mister Kim Jongin._ **   
**_The Universal Ballet School offers the most sincere greetings, congratulating you once again for being admitted in our exclusive program for the class of 2013, in the national audition of summer of 2012. The reasoning for this email is to also give notice that registrations for our School begin late spring, to request your forms please contact_ ** [ **_school@skballet.org_ ** ](mailto:school@skballet.org) **_._ **

  
**_Another email will notify you the precise dates and times._ **   
****

**_Greetings,_**  
 ** _The Universal Ballet School._**  
 ** _Seoul”_**  
  
Jongin blinks twice and immediately closes the tab, his heart starts to beat faster and he eyes to his left, where Kyungsoo is playing with his phone – he thinks the shorter male beside him didn’t read a thing, since he hasn’t commented on it.  
  
“Do you want to have ramyeon?” -  he speaks, getting up of his office chair and looking for his wallet.  
  
“Do you want to talk about that email you closed so suddenly?”   
  
Shit.  
  
It isn't long before Jongin can stop wearing coats and boots to leave the house, suddenly the trees start painting the landscape a pretty green and flowers start to bloom. His schedule hasn’t changed much, he’s still the same Kim Jongin that goes to school in the mornings and practices ballet in the afternoons, is the same Kim Jongin that takes little jobs from neighbors and is the same kid that can only count with his best friend – since his relationship with his two remaining family members is practically nonexistent.   
  
“Do you want to have a Harry Potter marathon on Saturday?” – Jongin asks on the first Thursday of April, while sitting in front of Kyungsoo, surrounded by students, his voice is muffled.  
  
“I can’t” – he answers – “I’m going on a trip with my parents…”   
  
Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to say something else, but the other stays quiet. It’s strange since the past times, Kyungsoo has asked him to join them on their trips.  
  
“Oh…” – is all he can answer.  
  
“I’d love to watch Harry Potter with you, Jongini!” – a skinny figure almost chokes him with a hug, he smells like baby powder which has always freaked him out. He spots other three figures approaching; they giggle and sit around them.  
  
“I wasn’t talking to you, Baekhyun, let go!” – he pushes his classmate, but the other is surprisingly resistant.   
  
“Let him go, Baekhyun” – Kyungsoo speaks as he closes his book and gets up slowly, Baekhyun lets go but is not fast enough, the shorter male catches him in a headlock that has Sehun, Jongdae and Chanyeol tearing up with laugh.  
  
  
“We can work on the math assignment on Saturday” – Jongin says a week after that, he softly removes a dread of hair from Kyungsoo’s eyes – “then we can watch a movie or something…”   
  
“I’ll be out of town on Saturday…” – Kyungsoo announces – “I’ll get here Sunday night maybe…”   
  
Jongin waits for an invitation that never leaves Kyungsoo’s lips.  
  
  
“Are you going to be available this weekend?” – Jongin insinuates before Kyungsoo has the chance to blow him off for the fifth time that month. Kyungsoo snaps his eyes from the TV screen and smirks.  
  
“I will…” – he responds while holding his boyfriend’s hand and coming close to give a small peck to his lips – “…next weekend I won’t, though.”  
  
-  
  
It’s mid may and Jongin dreads each day that goes by, he can’t really explain why since he is going to become everything he ever dreamed off once graduation gets there in a little over a month…he feels selfish each time he wishes nights can last months, he feels stupid each time he wishes he can get a magical watch and stop time, he gets scared each time he considers telling his father he may have to leave to Seoul when summer comes – he feels the worst when he remembers Kyungsoo has never brought up his plans post-graduation.  
  
Breeze enters through Kyungsoo’s strangely large bedroom window, is not a cold night, is not a hot night – Jongin stays still as he can hear his boyfriend’s quiet breathing, seeing his shadow move slowly, up and down. He can’t sleep and he tries not to move a lot, remaining face down, getting the breeze tickle his naked back, he lets minutes go by, sensing the sunrise must be close. Jongin gets up for the 4th time that night, checking the lonely street, going down the stairs to grab a glass of water, washing his face and resting once again on the bed.   
  
He has been like this for over two weeks and is getting tiring.  
  
“Jongina.” – Kyungsoo speaks low, Jongin has always liked his sleepy voice, since is raspier than usual – “Are you okay?”   
  
“Yeah” – he answers him, turning to face him – “I just can’t sleep”   
  
“You can turn the TV if you want”   
  
“No, it’s-it’s fine…”   
  
“Do you feel sick or something?” – Kyungsoo turns around to be face to face with his boyfriend.   
  
“No- I-I’m okay. I-“   
  
Kyungsoo frowns but Jongin can’t see his features, he moves to reach his hand, caressing his cold skin.   
  
“Kyung…” – he says in a more quiet tone – “What are you going to do once we graduate?”   
  
The older tries to focus Jongin’s eyes or expression, but he gets nothing more than dark shadows – he breathes slowly and intertwines his fingers with Jongin’s as a chuckle leaves his mouth.   
  
“I was waiting until later on to tell you, maybe after graduation but…” – he answers – “I’ve been going away each weekend for lectures and pre-admission tests for college…”   
  
Jongin’s heart takes a jump, he’s even more scared now.  
  
“Where?”   
  
“Seoul?”   
  
“Are you serious?!” – Jongin jumps from the mattress and almost lands above Kyungsoo.  
  
“Keep your voice down!” – is all Kyungsoo can reply as he sits in front of Jongin – “Yeah, I want to apply for Multimedia at the National University of Arts. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to surprise you…is that what has been bothering you this past month?”   
  
“You’re going to do really well I just-“ – Jongin can’t stop smiling – “Wait, how did you know I was-“

“Do you think I don’t know you?” – Kyungsoo dead pans.  
  
“You noticed?” – Jongin asks, lowering his look to his lap, he thought he could keep it together, to not worry anyone. They remain in silence for a moment - “Each day I get more anxious about leaving, Kyungsoo. Each day is scarier, you know? I’m so nervous about money, about my dad, about everything I have to leave, but above all, because I’d have to do it alone. That terrifies me even more. This is going to sound very suffocating but you are the only person I lean on each day, Kyungsoo.”  
  
Kyungsoo remains in silence as his boyfriend plays with his fingers.  
  
“I know.” – he answers, giving a little squeeze to Jongin’s hand – “I’ve made sure to not leave your side since we were kids, this is maybe a little pretentious of me, and I’ve never confessed this, but since I met you I’ve known you need someone with you, that you need comfort and company.”  
  
“And is definitely not pity or that I felt sorry for you, Jongin, is just that I _noticed_ you. I remember you were so lifeless in class all the time, you were so lonely, so quiet and so skinny, and it’s not that I was the biggest ball of sunshine but I just couldn’t see you like that”   
  
Jongin furrows his brows as his memory trails to something Chanyeol said many years ago:   
  
_“I always thought you were very chatty since Kyungsoo is always talking to you, and Kyungsoo doesn’t really talk to people...he talks with you. But is only to you. It’s nice.”_  
  
“I’m still really skinny, you know?” – Jongin says with a smirk.  
  
Kyungsoo nods with a smile on his face, pulling Jongin to lay again, cuddling in between pillows and covers, lacing their legs together.

“When you told me about your mom, your dad and the problems you had, I made myself promise I was going to be there for you” – Kyungsoo explains – “And since you got admitted I only kept finding the way I could still be close to you…this isn’t weird, right?”

“No! Not at all…” – Jongin answers, stroking his boyfriend’s soft locks and embracing him with his other arm– “You don’t have an idea of how happy this makes me, Kyung”  
  
They share a tender kiss and Jongin thinks he could never love someone as much as he loves Do Kyungsoo - glares and quietness included.   
  
“So…National Art School?” – Jongin inquires – “when are you applying?”   
  
“I already did, last week” – he responds – “You know I’ve always liked the media production and digital animation so…I’ll get the results in a month I think”   
  
“I only want to know one thing…” – Jongin comes closer to Kyungsoo, wrapping his arm around his waist, exploring the warm skin under his t-shirt, whispering softly – “…are you going to marry me anytime soon?”  
  
-  
  
Graduation day is a mess. The weather could not be hotter, is mid June and for the first time, he has to wear every single piece of his uniform, is rainy and the environment smells like wet dirt, Jongin has to wait until 2 pm to see Kyungsoo that day, and to top it all, he has to spend a really awkward 20 minutes locked inside his father’s car.   
  
Oh, and Eunmi would not shut up the whole ride.  
  
“Jongini, you know we haven’t talked much these days, what are the after graduation plans? Any work thoughts?” – she turns around from the front sit, her artificial light brown locks jumping around her face. Jongin’s throat locks up and he tries to avoid her eyes, ignoring his father is analyzing his features from the front mirror.   
  
“I don’t know, Eunmi” – he answers.  
  
“I’ve always thought you could work in a bank, a person that works in a bank doesn’t necessary need people skills, not like me, I keep all my clients very pleased at the bakery-”   
  
She continues like this all the way to the school, until his father turns the engine off and they walk the half filled school parking lot. He spots some of his classmates, wearing the blue and red uniform, everyone having surprisingly coned hair and perfectly clean shoes. His eyes scan the auditorium, he spots Sehun and his parents, Hyeri chatting with other girls from their class and Baekhyun and Chanyeol are approaching; he doesn’t see the only person he was really looking for.  
  
“Congrats, dude” – Chanyeol slaps his back and Baekhyun giggles with his arms locked on top of his chest – “We are graduating!”   
  
“Yea, cool, right?” – Jongin says – “Have you guys seen Kyungsoo?”   
  
“No, he must be on his way, the ceremony is about to start” – Baekhyun answers.   
  
“Hey! When are you going to Seo- ” – Chanyeol practically screams and Jongin can’t thank enough the fact that Baekhyun runs and covers his friend’s mouth.  
  
“When are you going to **_sit_** , Jongin?! Your sit is over there, go go I think Jongdae is already there, go!” – the skinny guy says quickly and exaggeratedly and Chanyeol’s face can’t hide the embarrassment. Jongin hasn’t had the courage to look at his father. Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol the opposite way, waving goodbye to Jongin’s family.  
  
“I’ll go sit, see you later” – Jongin waves and jogs to his place, ignoring how his father eyes him suspiciously, he doesn’t move and Eunmi drags him by the arm as she yells _“We’ll take a lot of pictures, Jongini!”._ He rolls his eyes.  
  
Minutes pass and Jongin keeps eyeing the main door every 20 seconds, Kim Jongdae is sitting right beside him and he keeps making fun of him – actually trying to keep Jongin distracted because he can tell the other is very nervous. The auditorium is filled when its 1:56 pm, the professors are already on the stage and Jongdae is speaking about his future plans in Seoul, where he will study Musical Theatre in a prestigious college. Jongin smiles the brightest he has that day.  
  
“When are you leaving?” – Jongdae asks.  
  
“In three weeks” – Jongin answers.  
  
“Kyungsoo is going with you?”   
  
“No, he leaves a month after that”   
  
Jongdae nods and remains quiet. Jongin turns around and he spots Eunmi waving her arms, his dad is serious as always, arms folded on top of his chest. He tries to draw a smile but fails, so Jongin pretends he didn’t see. He scans the graduate’s sits, where he sees Baekhyun chatting with Minah, her hair prettily cascading down her back, two rows behind them a beautiful girl that liked to be called Sulli was taking selfies with a person he quickly recognizes – small shoulders, big head, big lips and big eyes – his chest takes a jump and he can’t avoid smiling.  
  
“You could try to pretend you are not whipped” – Jongdae says as he plays Angry Birds on his phone.   
  
“Shut up, Jongdae”   
  
  
“You looked so cute in this one, look!” – Eunmi flies her phone close to Jongin’s eyes as they enter the living room, his dad flicks the lights on and goes to the kitchen – “OH MY GOD!” – Eunmi screeches for the 5th time in 20 minutes – “And look at this one with your friends, this was cute, I remember when Kyungsoo was 12 he hasn’t changed at all!”   
  
“Jongin, can you come here for a minute?” – his dad calls him – “Eunmi, can you leave us alone, please?” – the man says when he hears high heels come close.  He swallows thick.  
  
Jongin has been nervous the entire day, not because it was his graduation, but because he swore he was going to tell his father about Seoul that day.  
  
He’s shaking.  
  
“Yes?” – he asks once he has entered the kitchen and finds his dad with arms folded, leaning on the kitchen counter. He hears Kyungsoo’s voice when they encountered quickly after the ceremony was over.  
  
-  
  
 _“Congratulations” – the shorter smiles, playfully punching Jongin on the arm with his certificate._  
  
 _“Same to you” – he replies._  
  
 _“You’re going to do it after this?”_  
  
 _“Yeah, we’ll head home, and I’ll tell him there” – Jongin says – “Hopefully he won’t kill me”_  
  
 _“He won’t…” – Kyungsoo assures – “He’s probably going to be mad, but he has never been violent to you, has he?”_  
 _Jongin shakes his head._  
  
 _“If anything happens call me” – Kyungsoo says, placing a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder – “It’s going to be okay, Jongin. Call me either way, okay? Just to know what happened. You can go to my house for dinner”_  
  
 _Jongin smiles at him._  
  
 _“You look really handsome today” – he says, getting slightly closer to Kyungsoo and showing a playful smirk – “Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?”_  
  
 _“Wait for later, Jongin. There’s a lot of people here”_  
  
 _“Would you believe me if I said I don’t care?”_  
  
 _“You do. We both do”_  
  
  
“So…” – his father begins, pulling him out of his thoughts – “Congratulations”   
  
The man extends his arm, giving an envelope to Jongin. He’s shocked, taking two steps to reach it.   
  
“Thanks” – he opens it carefully, revealing many bills perfectly aligned. He’s more than shocked – “Wow, thanks dad!”   
  
“Do you want to tell me what you’re doing?”   
  
Jongin frowns.   
  
“I don’t get it, I’m here?”   
  
“What are you doing for the future, Jongin”   
  
He remains in silence since he was so blunt about it, he didn’t expect him to be like this. Jongin swallows and tries to remember what he had prepared, but nothing comes to mind.   
  
“Well?”   
  
“I-I-I-“ – Jongin keeps stuttering and he thinks he should sit, he’s frozen, hands slowly wrinkling the envelope. He takes one big breath and thinks he can formulate something – “Dad, remember I used to talk to you about this Ballet School…”  
  
His father frowns a little bit, but not enough to have Jongin scared.  
  
“I applied and auditioned last August-“ “did you go to Seoul last August?!” “Yes, but let me finish, please” – Jongin tries his best to remain composed, calmed, and most importantly, to act maturely – “I passed, dad. I got selected and I should be starting college in four weeks”   
  
“So, you…” – his dad begins, words losing meaning when reaching his tongue.  
  
“I’ll be leaving in three weeks”   
  
Clacks come closer, like a drum, Eunmi rushes to the kitchen and stops right next to Jongin. The room stays silent for a moment, his dad’s eyes are lost somewhere behind him, not really looking at anything, or maybe glancing his mom’s picture placed neatly on the living room.  
  
“You’re going away, Jongini?” – Eunmi asks, her eyes suspiciously filling with tears.  
  
“Eunmi, I said to leave us alone…” – his father says, coming closer to them.  
  
“But dad, he said…”   
  
“I know what he said, and we can discuss it later but right now…”  
  
“You have to let him go, dad” – Eunmi says, and Jongin snaps his head at her direction – “We have never support him! He has to go, dad… if he managed to pass that audition he must be so talented, dad, do you know they don’t just let people enter this type of scho-“  
  
“Eunmi!” – his father raises his voice as he punches the table with a fist – “I swear to God”   
  
She bows slowly, tears falling down her cheeks; she gives a smile to Jongin and leaves the room, they can no longer hear her steps, so they assume she removed her shoes.   
  
Jongin remains on the door frame; he can’t feel his hands since he has been squeezing the envelope more and more. His father nods him to sit on the table in front; he takes a sit as well.   
  
“Dad, I-“   
  
“I knew you were hiding something” – he begins talking – “I’m not that stupid, you know?”  
  
“I never said-“   
  
“I knew you were hiding something, like that time you pretended I wouldn’t know you were taking dance lessons…”   
  
“And is not like I want to hide it from you, dad, is just that-“   
  
“And that is my fault”   
  
_What the fuck?_  
  
“I’ve been terrible at communicating with you two” – the man says, he glances at the ceiling, as if he could see Eunmi through the thick concrete. His eyes show regret and is difficult for Jongin to see this side of his father _–_ “I never managed to get a hold on you liking ballet; or on Eunmi liking to speak so much she could actually be a reporter or a lawyer or a public speaker – you understand it was hard, right?”   
  
Jongin doesn’t respond in any way.  
  
“You understand life has been hard for us…since your mother is not here…”   
  
Jongin’s ears are like a drum where he feels his heart beat furiously. Since he can remember, he has never heard his father say anything related to his mom, he has never named her or knowledge she even existed - just when he buys flowers for her death anniversary.   
  
“And I’m sorry- I’m sorry I’m using that as an excuse. I’m sorry I was a poor father to you, Jongin”   
  
“You weren’t-“   
  
“Yes, I was” – he repeats – “I never walked with you to elementary school, I never went to any of your basketball matches, I never went to see you dancing…I never let you freely enjoy what you liked doing, I never communicated and even so I expected you to be honest to me… that was stupid of me, and I know I have to change, Jongin”   
  
“And if going to that school is what is going to make you happy, then I’m happy…and I’m proud that even if I wasn’t there for you, you managed to be the young man I have in front of me now”   
  
Jongin is shaking and he feels he’s going to cry any second now.   
  
“I-“ – he tries to say, his voice breaking after one word is said – “Thank you”   
  
“Your mom would be so proud of you, Jongin”   
  
“Thanks, dad” – he manages to say, his hair falls in front of his eyes as he lowers his head because tears begin to drop.   
  
“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GUYS” – Eunmi yells from the top floor, her voice is nasal because of all she has cried. Jongin hears his father chuckling for the first time in many years, and that makes him show a smile.   
  
“I’ll go talk to her now” – the man says, getting up with a low sigh – “We can talk about your trip, where are you going to stay, and all that tomorrow…you can rest or hang out with your friends”  
  
Jongin dries his tears on the way up the stairs.

 

-

“What now?” – Jongin sighs as he lands face up on Kyungsoo’s bed; he has spent the evening in his house, sharing dinner and happy conversation with Kyungsoo’s family. It's past eleven and he has already notified his dad that he will be staying the night there. Nothing new - “High school is over”  
  
Kyungsoo walks slowly until he sits next to Jongin, crossing his legs and turning on the TV.   
  
“Now you begin your dream” – is what he answers, not really paying attention to his boyfriend’s face or expressions. Jongin frowns. Is not that he doesn’t want to leave, or he doesn’t want to start college, but he can’t deny he feels a little offended every time Kyungsoo seems to ignore what he tries to say.   
  
“My dream began a while ago” – the younger retorts, turning his head, inspecting his boyfriend’s face, thick glasses on top of his perfect button nose, his wet lips reflecting the ceiling light and his shiny hair still styled to a side, because that’s how he had it for graduation. Kyungsoo removes his eyes from the TV and tries to glare at Jongin – fails miserably once his cheeks start to turn red. Jongin smirks and Kyungsoo giggles, grabbing the other’s hand, placing it over his belly.   
  
“You know what I mean” – the older says – “You’re going to live, breathe and sweat dance – all that in the city. You’re going to surround yourself with all these new people and you’re going to experiment so much new stuff, Jongin. Aren’t you excited?”   
  
“To be honest…I’m more nervous and anxious than excited” – Jongin replies – “But you know that”  
  
“Isn’t this like when you where so terrified to start going to the local dance classes?”   
  
Jongin remains silent.  
  
“And you thought everything was going to be terrible and your dad was going to find out and kill you?” – Kyungsoo plays with Jongin’s fingers as he continues speaking – “But here you are, you got admitted in that school and your dad is happy for you, and I bet this is really going to help your relationship, and you’re going to make it big, Jongin…just wait and see”  
  
Jongin smirks and crawls to be closer to Kyungsoo, tangling his legs with his.  
  
“And you’re going to be the best in the film industry – you will create the greatest characters and you’ll win award after award, and your name will be on the papers because this Korean man just won “Best Animation” at the Oscars” – Jongin begins trailing kisses nearby Kyungsoo’s jaw line, the shorter giggles.   
  
“That’s ridiculous” – he says – “But alright, if my name appears on the papers then everyone around the world will know yours”   
  
“I don’t want that” – Jongin shakes his head quickly, moving his hand to caress Kyungsoo’s stomach – “I want to dance and live happily with you”   
  
Jongin launches for Kyungsoo’s lips, soft and sweet and is all he has waited the entire day. He kisses slowly and tenderly, deepening more with each second that passes, exploring each part of Kyungsoo’s mouth, as if this was the first time. The other places his hands around Jongin’s neck, daring in his tongue, matching Jongin’s speed and is not long before he starts to grind on his boyfriend.   
  
Jongin never admits he always daydreams with Kyungsoo’s bed sheets – the smell and how it feels behind his naked back as Kyungsoo runs his tongue down his neck and chest, playfully adding more pressure on his nipples. He grabs on the sheet as Kyungsoo kisses once, twice, and three times around his belly button, and he keeps lowering until he has Jongin’s erection right in front of his face, wet and dirty underwear already lost somewhere in Kyungsoo’s bedroom floor.  
  
The older boy makes sure to turn on the TV volume, because he knows Jongin can’t always control his moaning. He begins slowly and teasingly, making Jongin to open his legs so he can fit in the middle, massaging the inside of his thighs. Kyungsoo gives small licks to his tip, stroking Jongin’s dick twice before introducing the whole thing into his mouth. The younger closes his eyes as low moans escape his lips, hissing each time Kyungsoo sucks hard and almost reaches the end of his cock – he grabs tighter on the bed sheets, focusing on how warm it feels and how much he needed this all day.  
  
Kyungsoo bobs his head after minutes pass, deep-throating his boyfriend; he’s grateful the TV muffles his sinful sucking, Jongin is going crazy, his neck veins spreading and his mouth is semi-open, as he gives incoherent words to fill Kyungsoo’s ears.   
  
“I’m- Kyung- I’m going to-” – his voice sounds hoarse, as Kyungsoo sucks hard one last time. He releases his lips and proceeds to stroke the other’s dick, hard and quick; Jongin opens his eyes and takes a glance, realizing Kyungsoo’s lips are so red and puffy. He wants that mouth all to himself – “Yea, keep going”   
  
Jongin tries to focus in not screaming as he feels he might explode from the waist down, Kyungsoo strokes faster and he begins to explore inside Jongin’s bum – which has Jongin moaning and throwing his head back.   
  
“Shit” – Jongin groans once he sees Kyungsoo take some precum with one finger, suck on it, and then place said finger softly outside Jongin’s entrance, massaging and teasing. His smirk has Jongin moaning and wishing he could be inside of his boyfriend already – “Fuck you”   
  
“Do you want to?” – Kyungsoo asks, that cruel smirk displayed on his face as Jongin can’t take it anymore, he releases all over Kyungsoo’s hand and on his own stomach. The older keeps stroking even though Jongin is moaning his name and his body is shaking; his orgasm extents the longest he has ever experienced, Kyungsoo starts to slow the pace and he crawls to leave a deep kiss in Jongin’s mouth, letting go of his dick and gently placing himself on top of him – “How long do you need?” – he asks between kisses, absorbing everything Jongin has to give him, the younger is still sensitive, shaking and lazily caressing the skin of Kyungsoo’s arms.  
  
“Not long…just let me-“ – Jongin tries to mutter a comprehensible sentence, having Kyungsoo’s ass put more pressure on his swollen dick; he focuses on kissing him, tasting the faint scent of himself, but swallowing the sweetness that is Kyungsoo. He can never get enough of this. The younger grabs Kyungsoo by the waist, pushing him up, trying to place his obvious erection right in front of his face. The smaller sustains himself on the bed header, as Jongin licks tentatively on his tip.   
  
“Ah, shit” – Kyungsoo hisses and he deepens himself on Jongin’s face, feeling how seconds pass and Jongin takes more of him in. The younger squeezes Kyungsoo’s butt cheeks desperately, sucking hard and deep; the other starts to leak in an instant, a low moan escapes his mouth and he bites hard on his lower lip, keeping in mind he can’t be too loud. Jongin’s dick starts to rise once again, and he can’t help but to stroke himself; he’s going crazier by the minute, listening how Kyungsoo keeps panting above him, which only has him stroke his dick harder and faster. Jongin twirls his tongue around Kyungsoo’s tip and then taking it all in once again, as deep as he can and he thinks Kyungsoo is close, feeling how he suddenly got quiet and his legs start to shake. He doesn’t want the other to be done by the night, so he stops.   
  
“What the fuck?” – Kyungsoo pronounces, separating his forehead from the bed header, Jongin smirks.   
  
“I don’t want you to be done” – he answers, trailing kisses all over his hips and stomach. Kyungsoo groans hard, moving just one bit to land on Jongin’s lap once again; the other sits, resting his back on the massive mountain of pillows that Kyungsoo always has. They share a slow and delicate kiss, one that Jongin drags, making sure to taste each corner of Kyungsoo’s lips – the other grinds softly on Jongin’s dick and he explores down his torso, touching Jongin’s defined stomach – thing that he likes so much – until he finds his own erection.  
  
“Let me fuck you” – Jongin comes closer to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear, leaving sweet marks on his neck, feeling how his boyfriend rubs his dick against his own stomach. Kyungsoo groans the loudest he has that night, because he loves when Jongin uses that tone on him. He roughly pushes his lips against Jongin’s mouth; he squeezes his ass cheeks one last time as he pushes Kyungsoo to land his back on the bed.   
  
“Under the bed…the lube and the condoms” – the older points as he rubs his dick slowly, caressing his stomach. Jongin rushes to take what they need, desperately opening the lube bottle to wash his middle finger with it – he adds a little around Kyungsoo’s entrance, mesmerized by how eager his boyfriend is. Kyungsoo gasps slightly once the first finger is in, closing his eyes shut and starting to stroke his dick harder.   
  
“Don’t” – Jongin reaches for Kyungsoo’s right hand and intertwines their fingers together, avoiding his boyfriend to start touching himself and to come abruptly before he has had the chance to be done, he hears Kyungsoo’s whimpering once he starts to twist his wrist and Jongin can’t help but smirk at the sight he has. He pushes a second finger and a third one and Kyungsoo is desperately holding himself with the bed covers as his boyfriend finger fucks him, damped hair sticks on his forehead and he has to use his free hand to cover his mouth, because Jongin just reached his prostate and he’s crazily stimulating it. Every little movement Jongin does is driving him to madness.   
  
Suddenly Jongin stops and it has Kyungsoo opening his eyes, inspecting what he’s about to do. Jongin’s hands are shaking as he desperately tries to open a condom – Kyungsoo giggles and helps him, since his fingers are clean. Jongin opens Kyungsoo’s legs farther, appreciating how flexible his boyfriend is, he grabs him by the waist, pulling him up and licking his entrance once before he places the thick tip of his dick outside of Kyungsoo’s hole, waiting for the desperate cries he will  give.   
  
“Jongin, please, just do it, you _fuck_ ” – is not long before Kyungsoo commands this and Jongin simply pushes his hips, feeling the tightness that always welcomes him, warm and satisfying. He begins slowly rocking back and forward as Kyungsoo releases moan after moan, hissing when Jongin pushes extra hard and deep. Their eyes meet and they can’t stare at anything else, Jongin is focused on how beautiful and perfect Kyungsoo looks, flustered cheeks and sweaty neck, all he wants is to kiss him until he has no more lips to offer – Kyungsoo twists his body once he feels he can’t take anymore, biting hard on the bed cover next to him. The bed starts to crash with the wall but none of them is up to stop, so Jongin keeps thrusting harder with each second that passes while Kyungsoo quiets his own screams with his hand. Jongin lifts Kyungsoo by the waist once again and he hits his spot, he penetrates him so hard the smaller man arches his back and releases a moan that Jongin can’t take, he thrust desperately and the bed crashes and crashes until Kyungsoo moans Jongin’s name between his hand and the bed cover, the younger starts to stroke his dick, which has him begging for more.  
  
“Do it faster, _holy shit_ ” – Kyungsoo opens his eyes to check on Jongin, just to have a perfect glance of his boyfriend’s muscular chest and is all he needs, he places his hand above Jongin’s around his dick, stroking harder and faster; Jongin comes closer to him, sucking on Kyungsoo’s neck as he pushes his hips the faster he has, ever.   
  
Kyungsoo can never thank enough how much resistance Jongin has.   
  
Jongin keeps going until Kyungsoo comes, crashing and hard, all over their pressed stomachs and he frantically shivers; he comes twice in a row that night because Jongin keeps going and going, until he sees white spots appear before his closed eyes and he releases inside of his boyfriend – just as hard and intense.    
  
Tired moans and breaths come next; Jongin pulls out and lets Kyungsoo’s legs to fall on the bed – he crawls with shaky arms and legs to lay next to him, kissing his arms and cheeks, leaving his mouth last, sucking softly on the man’s lips as he recovers from everything. They are sweaty and dirty, but in that instant Jongin knows he will never get enough of that.   
  
Not anywhere near the future.


	4. epilogue

Do Kyungsoo walks pacifically around the busy streets of Seoul at 6:05 pm of a Friday. The sky is slowly changing from pink to grey, clouds surround the city and he’s thankful he brought a big coat with himself. Fresh, new and - as always - dark clothes is what he’s wearing, his dark hair perfectly styled because today is a special day. Nobody could notice the man’s heart is beating desperately inside his chest; he keeps clicking and clicking the pen inside his pants pocket to calm himself down. He has walked past the same buildings, the same streets, the same intersections so many times, is like instinct when he goes down the stairs to the subway station, he doesn’t pay attention to which seat he’s taking nor who he has around. He’s not really focused on anything but the clicking inside his pocket.  
  
Do Kyungsoo moved from a little town in the south – warm, deserted, pretty and hot – four years and three months ago, he lived in his college dorm for two and a half years, and later on he had decided he wanted to live in a flat somewhere else. He got a job just 5 months ago, after he graduated with honors in Multimedia Design – he’s just beginning in a local TV studio, just learning the basics. He’s so excited to get his own studio, but that can wait for now.   
  
The street lights are on when he gets out of the subway station, the sky casting nothing but darkness, the moon is nowhere to be seen – he tries not to walk too fast, he’s not late and he doesn’t want to start sweating, although no one is going to care anyway. This isn’t his day, but someone else’s.   
  
He arrives at the location at 6:40 pm where a multitude is on a wide square, right in front of a massive building, big posters are hanging from the structure – each one of these read ‘The Swan Lake’ and show long and slim figures with exaggerated make up, but he can recognize the eyes of the man in the far right poster anywhere. Kyungsoo’s heart takes a jump and he can’t help but smile, he takes out his phone and snaps a picture, he continues smiling while he texts someone.  
  
 _I’m here –_ he sends it and waits for it to be 7:00 pm, when the play is supposed to start.   
  
“Do Kyungsoo!” – he hears a distant but familiar voice call him, he turns around instinctively and five seconds later a taller and thin woman hugs him.   
  
“Hey, Eunmi” – he greets her, returning the hug and smiling back at her, he spots a tall man behind her – “Mr. Kim” – he salutes him, offering his arm and bowing slightly. He hasn’t changed much in past these years.   
  
“It’s been a while! How are you?” – Eunmi rubs his back and walks to be closer to her father; they have practically the same face, perfect bone structure, pretty and small eyes decorating a wide but particularly cute nose – her hair darker than how she used to wear it, arranged in a pretty bun on top of her head – “We’re so excited right, dad?”   
  
The man nods, but he has looked distracted since Kyungsoo saw him, he keeps inspecting everything around him, specially the right poster hanging from the building.   
  
“I’ve been great! Working and stuff…where is Hyeon and the baby?” – Kyungsoo asks for the missing family members.  
  
“Oh, you know babies can’t enter this type of things so my little girl and her dad stayed at the hotel… I’ll take great pictures for them, though!”   
  
“I don’t think you can do that” – the younger man announces.  
  
“What?! Really?” – she has always showed a lot of emotion, which has Kyungsoo giggling most of the time – “How am I supposed to show them then?”   
  
Kyungsoo is laughing when his phone buzzes inside his pocket.   
  
_I think I’ll throw up_ – he reads and his heart jumps once again.  
  
 _You will do it perfectly_ – he texts as fast as he can – _I love you._  
  
Ten minutes later they are inside the theatre, Kyungsoo has the play pamphlet in hand, a little wrinkled because his nervousness can’t be controlled. Eunmi is sitting at his right and she hasn’t stopped talking since they walked in – but that’s just the usual. Kyungsoo pays attention at her father and how he stays silent, focused and unfocused at the same time, he reads calmly the pamphlet, paying extra attention to the last page, where the dancer’s names are listed.   
  
Kyungsoo checks again that last page – second name on the first row: The Prince – Kim Jong In. He smiles at the piece of paper, wraps it and places it inside his jacket pocket. The seats surrounding them are full; all types of people have silent chat before the lights start to dim and a soft classical melody starts to play.   
  
Kyungsoo holds on the arm rests as he recognizes the song and a petit woman appears on stage, a beautiful and delicate dress flies around her body as she starts to dance – after that a strong but slim man with dark clothes and huge black wings appears. They have a perfect first dance that lasts ages for Kyungsoo, but it’s actually just a couple of minutes – he can feel how Eunmi taps her foot and keeps biting her fingernails; he takes a peak and Eunmi’s father has his brows furrowed.   
  
After that, there’s a big group dance and Kyungsoo’s heart beats the quickest, he senses the moment is coming.  
  
“Is he going to come out soon?” – Eunmi whispers next to him, taking out her cellphone even though they were warned before that they were not allowed to take pictures or record the play.   
  
Kyungsoo just nods and doesn’t move more than that – the scene happening on stage starts to slow down and the dancers open a big space in the middle; the music reaches its peak and Kyungsoo has to hold his breath when a tall, slim and perfectly toned man comes out, taking a high jump - as if he was instantly flying, elegantly landing on the center of the stage – Eunmi squeezes Kyungsoo’s hand, but he can’t worry about that. He ignores everything else around him; he just focuses on the main dancer, the one with tanned skin and freshly dyed silver hair – his face looks pale but he knows is just part of the makeup, he’s wearing a pretty sequent shirt that matches his beige tights – the man moves like the ocean around all the other dancers, his form is perfect and a heavy pressure leaves Kyungsoo’s body as he has to hold himself to not start screaming.   
  
Kyungsoo’s eyes are watering – completely ignoring the woman on his right is bawling, and the man next to her has big tears running down his cheeks. The scene progresses and when it ends, everyone gives a round of applause – Kyungsoo can’t be more proud of him.  
  
Each time the Prince of The Swan Lake comes on stage and has a big dance, Kyungsoo has to hold his breath; he applauds the most when his solo is done, and in the interlude he just can’t stop smiling. Kyungsoo tries his best to focus on the other dancers and in the general plot, he feels selfish because he has just paid attention to that one person and it’s very unfair to all the people that are working so hard.   
  
It’s useless.   
  
Two hours after the play began; the audience receives the Swan and the Prince for their final dance. Kyungsoo takes in everything, how flawless they look together and how they sway with the music, how easy but how impossible they make it look, as if they are just characters of a magic tale – _well, duh._ After minutes the Black Swan appears, and they have the final moments on stage, just them three. It’s so beautiful it has Kyungsoo tearing up once again.   
  
The applauses begin after the final note from the orchestra is played, the dancers come out one by one, maintaining their posture – the audience explodes once the Prince and the Swan Queen come out one last time and bow deeply for over ten seconds. Kyungsoo can’t feel his hands anymore, and he hears Eunmi screaming for her brother’s name.   
  
This lasts for 5 minutes.  
  
Kyungsoo gets up from his seat with the bouquet of flowers he bought before entering the theatre, he walks with Eunmi and Jongin’s father trailing behind him to go back stage – all wearing the biggest and most sincere smiles on their faces.  
  
-  
  
“I think my hair will fall out” – Jongin announces while he slumps on the living room couch of their shared apartment, he has one of his silver locks in between his fingers and a hint of a pout is playing in his mouth. Kyungsoo turns his head from his place right next to Jongin and snorts, his lips puffing more and more as the taller male strokes his hair down his own forehead – “I don’t like it”  
  
Kyungsoo raises his legs and envelopes them together, turning his torso towards Jongin, he starts playing with the silver locks and it doesn’t feel like they used to – they are not as soft and smooth and somehow the little hairs feel thinner, Kyungsoo smiles and ruffles his head.   
  
“I like it however” – he says, his eyes showing tenderness and he resumes his TV show.   
  
It’s Sunday night and Jongin is free. The opening show was just two days ago and he has been living off the ecstasies of starring not only a play – but _his_ favorite play of all times.  
  
He just hasn’t gotten used to having a yellow head.   
  
The foot to ceiling windows on their left show millions of the city lights and above it, the black sky, mysterious as there’s no moon or stars – it’s always a puzzle to them how they found that apartment, not really in the heart of Seoul, but still on a busy district and not in a bad neighborhood; relatively new, extremely comfortable and affordable. It’s a puzzle indeed.  
  
“What time do you have to go tomorrow?” – Kyungsoo speaks, his eyes fixated on the flat screen in front of them.   
  
“Around 6:30” – the other man responds his hands on his lap, sight in the TV as well – “I think they have to board the plane at 8:00 or something”  
  
Jongin’s family had spent the weekend in Seoul for the grand debut, Eunmi and her husband had insisted in staying in a hotel nearby and Kyungsoo was nice enough to lead them through the cool stuff of Seoul: food places, malls, parks, cultural places… Eunmi was like a kid in a candy store since her job as an Elementary School teacher didn’t let her go out much of their small home town.   
  
“Do you want to go?” – Jongin asks once a loud and annoying commercial pops on the screen and Kyungsoo mutes the device.  
  
“I can’t” – the smaller turns facing Jongin once again – “Work” – he says with a small pout.   
  
“It’s okay. You spent a lot of time with them this weekend while I was rehearsing” – Jongin responds – “I’ll say goodbye for you”   
  
Jongin pecks his lips and Kyungsoo smiles, is normal. He returns the kiss quickly and chastely, Jongin responding with a smirk and his eyes turning into pretty half moons. This is routine for them. Jongin launches to the other, pushing through his lips and landing on top of Kyungsoo over the couch. They are giggling when there’s a sound coming from the front door and Jongin almost has a heart attack.   
  
“Oh shit” – Kyungsoo says with his eyes wide open – “I forgot- I gave a spare key to Eunmi in case they had an emergency or something”   
  
Jongin doesn’t move, so when a tall figure appears from the hall, he gives a freaked out look to Kyungsoo – the smaller pushes him off, which has him exaggeratedly landing on the opposite site of the furniture.   
  
“Sorry…I- I shouldn’t” – a thick and masculine voice says.  
  
If Jongin was freaked out before, now he just wants to die.   
  
That wasn’t how his dad was supposed to found out he was gay.   
  
“It’s okay, we weren’t-“ – Jongin tries to formulate a sentence – “I was just removing a bug from his hair dad! It wasn’t- We weren’t”   
“Jongin” – Kyungsoo speaks on a side, he turns to look at his boyfriend and his cheeks are bright red, his hair is messy and his eyes wide open; he could make fun of him but his head is not thinking about that – “It’s fine” – the smaller says with a faint shrug.  
  
The older of the three remains still and his cheeks have a hint of a blush, but he starts to pace carefully to the front of the living space, close to the couch. Kyungsoo gets up and nods the man to sit near, after bowing and offering a hand. Jongin is frozen.   
  
“Sir…” – Kyungsoo begins but is interrupted.  
  
“I’m sorry I came like this…without notice but Eunmi told me…” – he says, his gaze trailing from the wall art to the wood floor. Jongin notices he hasn’t looked at him in the eye.   
  
“It’s okay...” – Jongin finally manages to say, he sits closer to him as Kyungsoo takes a sit on the coffee table, in front of both of them – “Did you need something?”   
  
“I was going to give you guys this” – he starts to fumble a plastic bag that just know they notice he had been carrying, he takes several vitamin drinks and tea bottles as well as a couple of hot packs – “Oh and this”   
  
He takes a bunch of candy of his front pocket, wrappers the young males hadn’t seen in so long, cherry, strawberry, grape and lemon gummy candy – Jongin’s favorite flavors.  
  
“I remembered you liked those when you were a kid, right?” – he points and delivers the groceries on the coffee table. Jongin has a funny feeling in his chest, something he rarely feels – something close to nostalgia.   
  
“Thank you” – Kyungsoo says, his eyes turning from Jongin’s father to Jongin, back and forward.   
  
“Umh,” – Jongin takes the lemon one and then shares the purple one with Kyungsoo, because he knows he used to like those –  
“Thanks, dad”   
  
The man sighs and shifts uncomfortably on the couch, glancing the place around. He had never been in their home. Kyungsoo nods exaggeratedly in his direction. Jongin can clearly read what he’s trying to say.  
  
“Dad…” – he begins quietly, munching on a citric flavor that momentarily takes him to elementary school classrooms – “About what you saw, we…”  
  
“You don’t have to-“   
  
“No but we do, dad” – he takes a step with just one foot, and sits in front of his father, on the coffee table where Kyungsoo is – “I should have told you way sooner, and I didn’t want you to see it like this all of the sudden but-“   
  
He sighs, trying to calm himself. His relationship with the man had been slightly restored, they talk on the phone every week, he helped him a lot when he started college and he smiles every Christmas when they have dinner together, they share anecdotes of their lives and Jongin has tried to not have more secrets - this one was the last one, a small reminiscence of their previous dynamics. Something he hadn’t had the guts to share.  
  
“I’m gay, dad” – Jongin says clearly, once he has taken a deep breath. The room is in silence – “I’ve been in a relationship with Kyungsoo since we were 17”  
  
Kyungsoo stays quiet, exchanging glances between the two. He had lived that exact feeling just four years ago, when he had to confess to his parents and brother that he was too in love with his best friend. They accepted it and he had the illusion Jongin’s father would be the same.   
  
The man looks at Jongin in the eye for the first time that night, and his features show surprise, he rests his hands on his lap and looks at Kyungsoo for a moment.   
  
“I’m sorry I hadn’t told you…after I promised I would be honest to you, but…” – Jongin continues – “I didn’t have the courage to do it…this is really nerve wracking…”  
  
He releases a nervous laugh as he rubs his hands up and down his thighs.   
  
“I- ” – his father responds, his voice is maybe softer and higher than usual – “I had a feeling you were…since quite some time ago.”  
Jongin looks up; his mouth dry and semi open because he doesn’t find a way to share his thoughts in a comprehensible way.   
  
“You know…” – the older of the three continues – “When you would spend a lot of time at Kyungsoo’s house, but I figured you were really close and that would keep you distracted from all the mess that was in the house…and since we never talked I assumed you were just going out with girls in secret” – the man snorts slightly – “and then when you both came here I thought that it was just a coincidence since Seoul is the best choice for everyone and that didn’t really mean anything”   
  
“And when you called me and said you were moving out from the college dorm to live with Kyungsoo because it was easier to pay rent I was very suspicious, but I said ‘hey, he can be right, living in a dorm can be a pain and splitting the bills is much better’”   
  
The man sighs and looks at Jongin.  
  
“Are you mad?” – is all the younger can say to him.  
  
“I’m not mad…I’m shocked, I guess” – he responds – “Does your sister know?”   
  
“I’ve never said anything, but I think she knows…” – Jongin answers while he turns his head to look at Kyungsoo.  
  
“That’s what makes me mad, Jongin” – the man speaks louder and both men open their eyes slightly – “Not that you’re gay…you can be however you want, however it makes you happy, I thought that was clear. But that you keep things to yourself, if it’s troubling you, why don’t you share it with me?”   
  
“I didn’t know how you would react, dad” – he defends – “Do you think is easy to tell this to someone? Anyone, even to my friend’s its hard…I’ve told maybe three people in all my life”   
  
“And I understand that, believe me, I do…” – he speaks softer this time, he comes closer to Jongin and his hands are together – “I want you to be happy…that’s all. I don’t want you to live in secrets and silences, okay? Even if may look reserved and serious, you know I’ve changed.”   
  
Jongin nods as a soft smile comes from his father, one he sees on Christmas day as they sit together with his sister and his niece to open the presents.   
  
“And I’m glad you are…” – he makes a gesture with his hands – “I’m glad is Kyungsoo”   
  
Kyungsoo opens his eyes wider, trying to form a grateful grin – even though he’s so nervous.  
  
“It was always obvious that he was a good friend to you. I could always tell he was important to you, and I could always tell you meant a lot to each other” – he stays quiet and moves even closer, placing a hand on top of Kyungsoo’s closed one and looking at him directly – “And I know very well you were there for him when I wasn’t”   
  
Kyungsoo swallows thick, his palms feel sweaty, Jongin smirks once Kyungsoo thanks the man with a slight bow.   
  
The three remain still and quiet for some seconds, they have calmed slightly and there’s no tense bubble surrounding them.   
Jongin smiles fondly once his dad gets up and says his long goodbyes, once he stayed to share some tea with them and chat for an hour, Jongin walks with him to the ground floor and promises to see him in the morning to go to the airport.   
  
“Don’t you want to wear a hat” – he points to Jongin’s head – “I mean is cold…”   
Jongin giggles, because he knows his father gets a little uncomfortable when a lot of people turn to look at him because of his blond hair. He’s a bit annoyed with it too.   
  
Once Jongin walks back to his apartment, he feels so light, the lightest he has ever had. Kyungsoo welcomes him on the couch once again, a big smile on his face and sweet kissed trail on his tan arms. They finish their show with laughs and comments in between, with more tea placed on the coffee table and later that night, they continue what had started before the man interrupted.  
  
-  
  
Warmness. Sweet Saturday warmness is all that surrounds Kim Jongin; one of the two days he gets to wake up just a bit later, one of the two days he can simply ignore his alarm and one of the two days he gets morning sex. Jongin loves Saturdays. He stretches his arms and opens his eyes, to be welcomed by such pleasing cloudy November sky, he takes the bed cover and places it just above his mouth, someone fumbles next to him on the mattress, pulling just slightly on the same covers. Jongin instinctively turns around and places his arm around a thin waist, feeling perfect and soft cotton.   
  
He hears some humming from the person next to him, and he just sinks his nose on the other’s hair and neck – more humming and fumbling as the other person grabs Jongin’s hand on his own warm one.   
  
“Jongina” – is what he hears next, the same voice he has known for over ten years and the one he can never get enough of. Jongin hums back a response, and they remain still for a couple of minutes, just enjoying those moments, as they have done for the past two years of living together.   
  
After playing under the covers, mixing soft moans and gentle kisses, Kyungsoo gets up and goes straight to the bathroom, leaving Jongin to just look at the white ceiling, stretching his arms and legs, playing with his hair. Rain starts to fall behind a massive window, and he smiles to the cute droplets that decorate the crystal.   
  
“Are you leaving early today?” – Kyungsoo asks with a toothbrush in mouth, his grey t-shirt back on his body.   
“Around 11:00” – he answers. Kyungsoo goes back to the bathroom and Jongin decides to make some hot chocolate, because that’s what the weather is telling him.   
  
He sits on the small and wooden dining table, the one in between the kitchen and their compact living room; the mug warms up his hands as he hears the shower go off behind the thin walls.   
  
Jongin has been seriously considering something for a few months, and is not that he has doubts or that he thinks is a bad idea, he has actually considered it for so long it now seems surreal. He breaths in the soft scent of dark chocolate and wet dirt - the last doesn’t upset him anymore, he now actually enjoys cloudy and rainy days – he has taken months pondering when would be the right time: he thought about it when they first moved to Seoul, he considered it when Kyungsoo asked him to live together, he considered it when he graduated from the Universal Ballet School, he thought about it even before he got the main part in The Swan Lake (that was something that momentarily took his mind away from the subject) but that night was closing night and he thinks is the right time.   
  
“Did you have breakfast?” – Kyungsoo speaks to him as they walk pass each other on the hallway to their bedroom.   
  
“I’m feeling funny, I’ll eat something on my way, don’t worry about it” - Jongin answers with a simple smile on his face – “I made hot chocolate”   
  
Kyungsoo replies with a smile, one that has Jongin smiling even more, his heart starts beating fast. He takes a shower next, he dresses with plain jeans and a big coat, he fixes his bag for that day and wears a beanie - because his black roots look a bit strange. Jongin checks his pockets for train money and his cellphone, he walks quickly to his side of the bed – on his night stand drawer he looks for a small piece of paper, a ticket that with big blue letters reads _Swan Lake -  18 th of November of 2017._  
  
“Hey Kyung!” – he yells from the room – “Do you have a piece of paper?”   
  
“At the office…under the desk” – Kyungsoo answers without taking his eyes from the stove.   
  
Jongin inspects the dark room, only two desks are in it and he assumes Kyungsoo refered to the one with the printer on top. He’s right. He sits down on the comfy leather chair and starts writing, trying for his letter to be as pretty as possible. He’s amazed at how easy words come out, since he has never been very good at doing things like this. Jongin places a signature on the bottom, sighing as he gets up and walks back to the bedroom.  
  
He walks out of it leaving the door open and feeling his legs go jelly.   
  
It’s going to be a long day.  
  
“I’m leaving” – he announces, placing a gentle kiss on Kyungsoo’s forehead, who is sitting on the couch and having his first meal.   
  
“Are you sure you don’t want to eat?” – the smaller male asks pointing at the kitchen – “I made toasts”   
  
“I’m fine, really. I’ll see you later. I left your ticket on the bed” – Jongin says as he starts to walk towards the door, Kyungsoo holds his hand, giving a little squeeze as he says:  
  
“Good luck today. I’ll be the one clapping the hardest”   
  
Jongin grins and winks, he’s out of the door in a minute.   
  
Kyungsoo spends the day working inside the office, he only leaves to drink water, eat and go to the bathroom. He doesn’t put a foot inside their bedrooms before 5:00 pm, when he has to start getting ready – he ignores the piece of paper that is placed delicately on top of the perfectly arranged bed cover. He wears a navy blue sweater and nice dress pants, his hair is now shorter and is easier to maintain, so he just lets it dry after his second shower that day, Kyungsoo checks for his phone and remembers he should buy flowers before going to the theatre – he checks for his credit card inside his wallet and he’s about to close the door when he remembers his ticket.  
  
“Shit, almost forgot” – he mumbles.   
  
His eyes scan over the bed until he finds it; he stops on his tracks when he notices a small black box and a big paper next to it. Kyungsoo suspiciously walks to it, his heart starts to beat faster, even thought he has no clue of what that is about. He remains standing and grabs the paper and the play ticket, both match with blue ink.   
  
Kyungsoo swallows when the first words start to register in his brain.  
  


_Have you thought about what a soulmate is? Well, for me it’s a… well it’s like a best friend, but more. It is the one person in the world that knows you better than anyone else. It’s someone that makes you a better person…well, actually they don’t make you a better person, you just do that yourself – because they inspire you._

 

  
_A soulmate is someone you carry with you forever, it’s the one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would._ _No matter what, that person will be there and you will always love them._   


  
_You are my soulmate, Kyung, and I can’t imagine a minute in my life that you are not in it. I want to breathe, sleep and live surrounded by you for the rest of my days, so please answer me: **would you marry me?**_   


 

“What the fuck, Jongin” – Kyungsoo mutters without realizing there are tears coming out of his eyes, he grabs the black box and is amazed by the shiny and silver ring that is inside, he takes it with shaky fingers, and without even thinking about it he places it on his finger, fitting just perfectly, just like him and Jongin have fitted since that cloudy afternoon in elementary school.  
  
Kyungsoo runs out the door with the most ridiculous smile he has ever carried on his face, a wrinkled letter on his coat pocket and a new silver ring in his hand; he ignores he’s going to have to wait hours to actually give Jongin an answer but he doesn’t care, because he knows they’ll simply have many years together after all.


End file.
